youth

"When I was young I knew everything."
-The Verve Pipe, The Freshmen

When I was cleaning my room over spring break, I found something interesting. It was a piece of paper dated February 28, 2004. It said something to the effect of "Nayhouse finally came through in the clutch when I needed him to. I couldn't be happier right now." This comment referred to him introducing me to this girl that I thought was really, really cute but one that I had no balls to talk to at the time. I was incredibly happy for about a month after I met her, but those feelings quickly turned sour because I realized that she wasn't interested in me at all. It was my first taste of the unrequitied liking of a girl, an experience that i still remember until now. I turned the piece of paper over and it was marked October 14, 2004. There was a very short message written on it saying "Yeah, thanks a lot for that one." Then there was a smily face after it. This story reminded me of two very important things. First, things can turn from very sour to very good in a short period of time(namely after the month of destruction(march) ends) and vice-versa. The more life experiences that I have I realize that events and people in your life move like a big circle. You cannot control what is going to happen to you that day, you can only control your attitude and how you react to both positives and negatives. However, at the end of the day, happiness usually breeds happiness; and sadness, well sadness. The second thing that this reminded me of was that no matter how much of a psychic you think you are, you can't really predict what is going to happen. Relationships remind me of those "spider holes" in Vietnam where some guy should have been holding up an "Enter With Caution" sign outside of them. I mean, you can peek your head in there, but the only way to fully immerse yourself in the good and bad of relationships is to take a chance and throw yourself into it. Naturally, I'm an optimistic person and looking at this from a different perspective now just changed my view of the whole event.

As for what is going on now, March was a rocky month. March kinda reminds me of the dropping of the bomb in that you can only see the true destruction when the cloud clears out. When the dust settles, you can get a better picture of where everything lies and start to pick up the pieces. Academically, I more than held it together. I'm incredibly proud of myself because when things got bad with work, home, relationships, and friendships I kept the ship on course. I have a 101% in Stat, a 90% in Accounting, and a 86% in Business Calc. I knew that the storm was going to come, and this time I was ready for it. Friendship wise, I've seen a lot of people come and go over the last six months. There have been a few constants and out of the whole period of time I've found a few people that I can truly consider friends. Next year, I'm kind of afraid that a lot of the friendships that I've developed over the last 19 years will fade to nothing. On the other hand, I'll be living with two of my best friends and another friend that I'm sure I'll get to know quickly. I can see those friendships being life long ones. Other than that, I'm not too sure what lies in store for the ones I have right now. Relationship wise, I'm really confused. I can openly say this because I have never not known what to do or what I want, but now I am more confused than ever. Part of the problem is that my wants change really quickly. One day I'll say that I want one thing and the next I won't want that thing anymore. This category is the one that I have yet to figure out. It's easier for me to understand optimization problems than it is to put a reason behind why girls do things. Apparently, there is one though. When I figure women out, I'll let you know.

That's about it for now. For the record, I'm out of here around August 23-25. August is a pretty packed month as I'll be out of town from August 4-11 and then I have packing, shopping, and my brother's birthday to do until I leave. In July I haven't decided when I'm going to Turningstone, but I'll definitely be there. If you play poker seriously and want to go to an actual casino, let me know. It will be around 35$ a night to stay there if anyone is interested. Other than that, I'll be working, playing basketball, playing soccer, and enjoying what could be my last summer of freedom. Alright, I'll try to give more frequent updates(maybe once a week), but I can't promise anything until I get more time(May 8th will be my last final). Until then, enjoy yourselves.

mh