on the road

http://mcgtruckin.blogspot.com/2006/09/cant-find-my-way-home-by-paul-mcguire.html

I've never started with a link before, so hopefully some of you will check that out. It's written by a guy who covers poker for a living, but is also a very talented writer pertaining to other subjects. I'm not sure why that piece resonated with me, but sometimes I feel exactly like that.

The long lapses in posts are indicative of the way that college is going so far: it's dragging by. Penn State is the all consuming beast that first overwhelms you, then gives you glimmers of hope, then finally crushes you in your first semester. The problem is, it's my fifth semester. Admittedly, it is my first away from home and adapting to having to cook three times a day, clean, and do laundry on a frequent basis is a change. I think the thing that is really just sucking the life out of me though is the partying. I party two or three nights a week, but the spillover effects of those nights go into the other days as well. I try to get work done and all I can think about is how desperately I want to put my head down, but when I do, I find that I can't sleep. I think narcolepsy is when you're always tired but you just can't seem to land that one good night of sleep that will bring you back from the brink. I've also come to realize that if I plan on continuing this sort of lifestyle(which I do, because it is mostly fun) I'll have to take better care of my body. At the end of summer, I was in the best physical shape of my life thanks to golfing twice a week, playing basketball a lot, and constantly moving at work. Life here consists of school work, the occasional exercise, and lots of partying. In other words, if you don't make time to go outside and to do things other than work and party, you're going to go insane quickly. There's no motivation to get up if you're just doing the same old boring shit day after day and you can't see the middle of the tunnel let alone the light at the end and you know you're going to end up in a corner somewhere thinking bad thoughts and just wishing you could go home. Point is, getting involved in something outside of class or doing a project non school related is really important, and I've learned that in my first three months up here.

Other than the nights when I contemplate the many uncertainties of life, I lead a pretty happy existence. I have three great rooomates and we all get along really well for the most part. Beyond that, I feel like our little group of ten or so is pretty close and we get together on a weekly basis to hang out, which is nice. Myself, eisel, and dave will usually just hang out in the family room and play mario kart or just talk about anything. My schoolwork started out on a slippy path, but I realized that the key to doing well is simply to keep grinding away at the material that I considered a little difficult at first. It turned out to not be that difficult, it was just higher level thinking and once I adjusted to that the homeworks, quizzes, and exams became easy again. I'm pretty lucky because I've always done well at school, but the amount of effort and studying that I have to put in each week has increased tenfold since high school. My most interesting class is creative writing because the professor is unlike any I've had before and we're on the poetry unit right now. My favorite form of writing has always been poetry, and I think that the class has allowed me to delve into more contemporary poetry whereas in previous English classes the focus was on the classics. Exciting stuff, I know.

My plans for the Christmas break aren't completely set right now, but I do know that I'll be home December 19th and I'll be getting my wisdom teeth out the next day. Depsite the fact that I've heard it can be extremely painful, it will give me a chance to finish On the Road, a book by Jack Kerouac that I've been reading for awhile now. I think if there was an ideal lifestyle for me it would be on the road. I like moving from place to place, seeing the sights, and having been there enough to tell a few good stories but not wrapped up with anything there. While this may seem a somewhat exhaustive and pointless lifestyle, it's one that would suit my adventurous side very well. That being said, I'm hoping that I can squeeze a trip to go to Wheeling sometime during break because of their legalization of table games makes me want to go down and see all the tourists that flock to these things when they first open. Other than that, my schedule is free so I'll be able to see my family and friends, relax, and most importantly hang out with my brother for an extended period of time.

I haven't done this in awhile, so here's a poem I wrote recently. Enjoy

Blue Abounds in Stark Contrast
By: Matt Hartman

After "The Tragedy" by Pablo Picasso

Blue abounds in stark contrast;
Picasso's hand concisely bringing to life
the bowed heads of mother, father, and
Son. He rests his comforting hand upon his father's
leg, a feat not able to be reciprocated.
The three have journeyed to this willowing place
barefoot, praying the white foam forming at the
end of high tide will mitigate their pain.
The water is saltier now as the tides reach the shore,
precipitously pouring into pungent pores.
This water has soothing potential, it is as blue
as a cloud on a youthful day. A darker bluish
purple arrives on three unequivical faces.
The howling winds force all three to hold tightly onto
their raggedy coats as space and time seperate them.
No words need to be said as the
once thick, black bbeard of the father shows streaks of gray
against a peaceful blue backdrop. The tide has settled and we no longer
see where the blue waters have swallowed the ashes:
Blue abounds in stark contrast.



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