one of those days

"No matter how much skill or experience you have, God, prayer, luck, whatever you want to call it will have a much bigger role in things than you will."
-Scrubs

The last month of my life has seen a lot of ups and downs, as you can probably see if you have read any of my last few posts. I felt like a lot of the things that happened to me in that time period I may have done some things to deserve, but not as bad as it went down. Every time something that I don't think should have happened to me does, I go back to last year when I was watching the Arsenal v Barcelona UEFA final. After Arsenal brilliantly held back the heavy favorite Barcelona(with a man down and a one goal lead) for eighty eight minutes until Barcelona pounded out one goal in regular time and another in stoppage time to break my heart. At full time, Tommy Smyth said a few words that stuck with me: They deserved better, but we don't always get what we deserve. Amen to that Tommy, amen.

In the last few days, I think that I've started to dig my way out of the ditch that I kinda found my way into. First off, Wednesday night I decided that I wanted to play some poker, so I went out to skyview. It was a winning endeavor, and there was one particular hand that I found very interesting. I'm in early position with Ac 9c and I limp for 2. Flop comes down 7c 8s 3c. I bet out about half the pot and get two callers. Turn is the 6d which gives me 8 more outs to hit to win the pot. I bet about the size of the pot, and a guy in the corner with sunglasses and a huge chip stack mucks after thinking about it forever. John the banker insta calls and I'm thinking that I need to hit a card on the river to win the pot. The river comes the 8d, which does nothing for me. John is first to act and he bets enough to send me allin. Granted, I have a decent sized chip stack here, but the lights in my head go off saying that my ace high are good here. I recall three hands that I specifically remember playing with john, and two of them he bluffed me and the third he had a huge hand. I figured he would bet a little bit less, maybe even 75% of the pot instead of an exact pot bet if he wanted action, so after thinking about it for a few minutes, I decided to call. He flipped up 25 for a missed straight draw. It was a great call, but it was one of those where I used experience to put him on a hand and then made a somewhat daring call to take down the pot. That win propelled me to a pretty good night at the tables, which was definitely a good confidence booster. The weekend was kinda shitty in the fact that I had to work early a few days so I had to skip a party on friday night so I could get up for work on time saturday. Saturday night I came home and was absolutely beat, so I just chilled with bradburn for awhile and went out and bought the second season of scrubs. I have to admit, I may be addicted to scrubs. I loved the show when it originally came out, but it seemed to lose its appeal for awhile, but I started watching again at the end of the fifth season and it just has gotten better since then. Far and away the best comedy of this decade. I think when it's all said and done after next year, it'll rank up there with Seinfeld, Cheers, and MASH for legendary comedies. I didn't work Sunday, so I didnt do much throughout the day, but I went out later that night and had a good time with a person I hadn't seen in a long time.

Today, I woke up so late, but I just had a feeling that it was going to be a good day. I spent what was left of the morning cleaning up around the house and then got outside for some running and then basketball later on in the day. I don't know what it is about me and being outside, but it just seems to bring my spirit back. I guess it has something to do with the fact that as a kid I spent every waking moment outside during the summer when I was at the babysitters, but it just refreshes me. I hung out with nayhouse later on and went in the pool and the hot tub and we just bullshitted for most of the night. However, you should never say that it's been a good day until you hit the sheets for good. After getting massacred last night playing online poker, the slaughter continued tonight. Once again, I got my money in good with AA against A10 only to see him flop a ten and turn a ten. The hand after that the same poor excuse for a player sent me allin for my last 1.5k with A6 against my AJ. It didn't take him long to catch up as he flopped three sixes to drown me. The next tournament, we were down to 20 players and I got my money in good again with QQ against 66. Flop was A K 9 which was good for me. Unfortunately, running sixes left me more or less crippled. The next hand I was SB, and it was folded around to me and I moved allin with 44. The BB couldnt have called quicker with AA. Naturally, the aces held and I was wamboozeled. I've decided that the more I play, the more I realize how lucky you have to be just to avoid being unlucky. You have to realize that in the 45 man tournaments that I normally frequent, you have to not only avoid getting outdrawn, but most of the time if you want to cash, you have to win at least one race. That's a 50/50 shot right there. Even if you get your money in good with AK against AQ, you're a 70% favorite. Or an overpair against an underpair, which lends itself to the fact that the underpair will brutally kick your junk 19% of the time. And of course, the mother of them all, when you get it in good with something like AA against AK and that faggot that called a huge third raise with AK slams three kings or a broadway straight on you. It leaves you dejected because you did all that you could, which was get your money in with the best of it and hope that god wasn't pissed today. Lately though, it seems like I do all i can to get my money in with the best of it, yet I keep getting hit in the junk. i guess all I can do is hope that the percentages hold over time, which I'm sure they'll do.

Until next time,
mh

my last respects

There will be an answer,
Let it be
-The Beatles

As I sit here typing this post, I wish that I had something better to report, but as things have kinda gone lately, I don't have a lot of good news to pass along. The past week has just been a continuation of june which all amounts to a bad stretch.

Tuesday night I got a call from Bethanne and I knew that it could be nothing but bad news. She confirmed my fears by telling me that our bowling coach, Buzzy had passed away earlier that morning. Even though everyone knew that this sad day would come, it was still difficult to comprehend at first. It didn't hit me until later on that night when I really started thinking about it and all I could see was his smiling face with a cup of coffee in his hand telling us that straight and in was the way to play the lanes.

The next day, Nayhouse and I left for Hershey, PA after I was done working at 4. The trip was a mixed bag of sorts because I was obviously excited to get away from a lot of the stuff that was happening at home, but in the end no matter how far away you go, you can't run from your problems. We arrived later that night and got food and to watch some pretty decent fireworks(although they were far away). The next morning we awoke early to catch some breakfast and we got out to the mini golf course with Nayhouse's cousin Sammy. It was fun, but I'm so damn competitive that it kinda ruins the spirit of laid back fun. I said kinda ruins because competition is a drug for me, and it can be the best one to be addicted to if used the right way. Afterwards, we got out to a place called Fairview Golf Course, which was why we came in the first place. The course was a little more difficult than South Park and despite the fact that it rained and looked like we were about to get smashed by the eye of the thunderstorm, I shot 88 and we got out of there just in time as the rains began to fall as we ran off the course. We got dinner at the same place as the night before, and left afterwards. It was a good getaway for awhile and I gotta thank Craig for hanging out with us and hooking us up big time.

I got home just in time to manage five hours of sleep before working one long ass shift Friday morning. For the first two hours, I was barely awake, and after that it was questionable as to whether I ever actually woke up. I stumbled out of there at 2 and slept for awhile before making arrangements with Bradburn to go to Buzzy's funeral. We saw a lot of people there that we knew, and it was great to see how many friends and family Buzzy had. As I made my way through the processional, I wondered what it was going to be like to have to do this for my friends, family, and ultimately what my funeral would be like. As I approached the casket, I noticed how different he looked. Obviously, I expected him to look a little different, but it was obvious the cancer had taken its horrific toll. After going through and paying my last respects, I decided that the way I saw Buzzy that day was never going to be the way I remembered him. I wanted to remember that vibrant fact, not the pale one that I saw there. And I will always remember him as a great man, both on the bowling lanes and off.

Once again, I said that I have more bad news to report. Going to the funeral, I heard that Mr. Stern, my mentor and one of the people that I truly look up to may also be sick. I think Bradburn said it best by commenting, "To lose Buzzy was shocking and terrible, but to lose Mr Stern would just be wrong. Not both of them." I couldn't agree more. If you went through a line of great people, few of them have the honesty, helpfulness, and kindness that Mr Stern. exhitibits every day of his life. Above all, he's a straight shooter and a guy who is always willing to help you, and those are two things that I try to be also.

Today, the sort of rift that I told you going on between Sarah and I finally ended. She texted me at work asking if I was home, and I assumed it was because she wanted to talk about everything, but as always, I was mistaken. That would have been the adult thing to do. Instead, I find out that she just gave all the shit that had of mine to my mom and then left. Seriously, who does that? It's like saying "This is about all I took from our relationship and later our friendship and I'm so kind I'd like you to have it back." Well fuck that. I may have said that her best friends were being annoying one night(which was true for that night, not in general), and she decided that was the last straw. The sad thing is the drastic change in our friendship over the last month. Everything rolled along pretty decently for the last year until she decided that she no longer cared as much as she used to. It's incredibly sad to see, but it's not something that I'm going to go ahead and blame myself for. When I look back, I'll think about the really fun times we had and her idiosyncracies that I loved, not of the person that blew me off countless times or that one day woke up and decided not to care anymore.

What I need to do is to learn to take the best from bad situations. When the dust has cleared, the best you can do is to remember the best of times you had with the person.

Nothing Gold Can Stay
By: Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf
So Eden sank to grief
And dawn went down to day
Nothing gold can stay



mh