tao of life

"In life, it's about finding that middle ground."
-Ryan Key, Yellowcard

I'd like to think that I've been saving lots of material since the last time I posted earlier this month, but the real reason is that I just have not felt like typing a post up. In regards to this blog, that is the main difference between me two years ago and me now: I simply don't want to post every miniscule thing that happens in my life. In reality, the last month has been pretty eventful as well as one of the best learning experiences for me as a person.

To simplify things, I'll just go with the last week of what has happened as that should suffice for the most part. Last Monday I had off so I decided to relax and clean the house up a little bit before going to the movies with bradburn, sarah, kathleen, and ashley. We saw Knocked Up, which was funny, but a little overrated in my book. I had heard that it was the funniest movie of the year, and while that may be true, it definitely wasn't life changing funny like a Borat or Happy Gilmore. I got home at about 11 and went over leigh's for awhile because she had just gotten back from vacation and was having a small gathering at her place. It was good to see her again, but the majority of the rest of the night was spent with sarah and I sending messages back at each other. To say that it ended ugly would be a vast understatement. It was me saying something out of frustration that I felt was true at the time. I think that the main problem there is that sometimes I misinterpret things because what I consider not classy is something that she considers normal. And we'll leave it at that. I arrived home and saw my brother in his normal position, laying on the couch, watching TV. He looked completely normal and I was shocked to hear that after he told me that his team lost his playoff game. When I was 13, if my team lost a game it was sort of an unwritten rule that you didn't talk to me on the way home because I got that upset about losing. Now if it was a playoff game, I was near inconsolible. My parents would tell me it was just a game, but it was always much more than that to me. Some sort of ultra competitive gene is inside of me and it would force me to lay awake at night and think about every little thing that I could have done differently. Despite the long nights that those losses caused, I learned so much from just going through all the things that I could have done better. Maybe it isn't good to think about things as much as I do, but the next time I get in that situation, I'll remember the mistake I made and try not to make it again.

Tuesday and Wednesday I worked at night and then went over Nayhouse's to chill afterwards. It's weird to see how much we have both grown up over the last five years, going from being young teenagers to high school kids to the final transition into becoming somewhat effective members of working society. Nonetheless, the one thing that has remained is that we have stayed good friends(I would say best friends but I'm trying to tone down the homosexuality of this sentence) throughout everything that has gone on, and I doubt that will change. Thursday night I went over to ben's and saw some of his friends, but I had to leave early because of work at 6 the next morning.

That morning I awoke at 5:15 with pains shooting down my back as they had been doing the whole night. Although it prevented me from sleeping well, I was pretty much awake for my whole shift which is something that definitely would not have happened had I not been tossing and turning all night. After sleeping for an hour, I began to make plans to go to the caste fireworks for the night. I walked down with bradburn, ben, and conroy and the next five hours were really a good time and didn't require that too much alcohol be consumed on my part, although that definitely wasn't a bad thing. By the time, I got home around 12:30 at night, I was completely exhausted.

Today was mainly uneventful during the day, mostly consisting of me running a few errands and playing a little basketball until kathleen's graduation party which nayhouse and I went to around 6. For the first thirty minutes, it was a good time. However, I knew that sarah and po would more than likely be coming, but the amount of awkwardness that occurs after two good friends clash can't be measured until you get to the moment where they see each other again. In retrospect, it was probably better that for once I listened to the little voice inside my head telling me not to say what I was thinking. After about thirty minutes, I leaned over to nayhouse and whispered, twenty bucks says I can throw this water bottle into the trash can. I demanded at least three to one since the trash can was a good fifteen feet away, but he countered with that if I made it in the first try we could leave. I agreed, and promptly nailed it from fifteen. We both busted out laughing, thanked kathleen, and went on our way.

I think that the most important lesson that I've learned in the past week is that different people react differently to news. Sometimes you have to accept that a person still cares about something even if they don't show it in the usual fashion. The most important thing to do is to try to keep searching for that perfect balance of everything in life. It's something that I'll be searching for for the rest of my life.

This poem doesn't really go along too well with the theme of this poem, but I like it so much I have to include it

O Captain! My Captain
By: Walt Whitman

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells
Rise up- for you the flag is flung- for you the bugle trills;
For you the bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths- for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.



mh

just a little patience

Said take it slow, it'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
-Guns and Roses

The last few days of my life have been fast paced and I'm starting to get a feel for what life will continue to be for the next two years now. Starting Thursday, I haven't gotten more than six hours of sleep per night, yet for whatever reason I wake up in the morning and feel great. Thursday was crazy. I got up around 8 to finish up some paperwork that took me until about 10:30. I left around 10:55 to meet kevin down at Whitehall courts for our tennis game. The plan at the start of the day was to play a grueling five sets of tennis if necessary. The sun was hot as you can expect in June, and it just kept on beating down on our bodies throughout the day. The match finished around 2:15 with me winning 6-4, 6-2, 6-3. I can only imagine how exhausted I would have been if it would have taken all five sets. I came home, briefly ate lunch, then went outside to wash the car. Although I was tired from tennis, it was one of those days where there wasn't a cloud in the sky and you simply couldn't waste it. I shot some hoops and then went down to play street hockey. My hockey game has deteriorated from when I used to play almost everyday in middle and high school, but the exercise is great and seeing everyone from the neighborhood is a good time. I finally made my way home around 5:15 and could do nothing but pass out on the couch from the long hours of sun exposure. I was awoken about 30 minutes later by my dad asking if I wanted to walk a quick round of 9 holes after dinner. Naturally, no matter how tired I am, I can't turn down golf. It was an enjoyable round and we finished just in time to get in the last hole before the sun went down.

I awoke Friday morning very awkwardly. Even though I didn't find my way to bed until about 3:30 the night before, I was up at 9 feeling fully rested. During the day, I just lounged and got things done around the house before we got poured on starting around 5. About 8 I went to pick up sarah and po, and them, myself, bradburn, tom, and rossi convened at my house. We watched movies and then went outside to play basketball(or on my neighbors playground, if your name is sarah or po). The best part of it was that it was raining and it felt so good to play as it was beating down. Eventually, it stopped, nayhouse showed up, and we chatted for awhile on my back porch before leaving around 11:15 to take home sarah and po. It was really good to see them again(I see sarah a lot, but I hadn't seen po since last summer minus one time), but all in all good to have everyone back together. I can't discuss my favorite part of the night, but seeing scotty klein and getting the ice cream at EnP was definitely a fun time. I took nayhouse and bradburn home around 1 and just crashed as soon as I got to my place.

Saturday morning I awoke at something like 7:30 and realized that I had some time on my hands, so I decided to do my last stock report. Eventually, I'll post them somewhere, but for now I'm fine with them just being on my hard drive. I took drew to his game at leland at 2:30 and watched his team narrowly squeak out a win against a decent TJ team. My brother came in to pitch the 6th and 7th and almost pulled a Salomon Torres, but he was able to get a big strikeout with two on and two out to allow his team to win 8-7. We briefly went home, but had to be back at the field at 6:30 for another game. Around game time, my parents met us down there, and we were all there for the joyous occassion of seeing my brother's team beat up and down the diamond by a much better South Park team. However, after the game, a bunch of us went to McCoy's for karaoke night. It was a really fun time, even though that my awful rendition of "Piano Man" was one of the few songs sang that night. At about 10:30, Nayhouse came and got me, and we went to wendy's and back to his house to shoot some pool and take a look at the new pool. It looks primed for what may be the last summer of pool basketball, a tradition that was started many years ago by him and I. To say that I am ready for the summer to truly begin is a definite understatement.

Today, I woke again after a not so great night of sleep to my brother shouting for me to come downstairs. I thought it would be important, but it was actually just him telling me that the Federer Nadal match had started. The match didn't live up to hype as Federer(minus the second set) was completely overwhelmed by the much better clay player, Nadal. After the conclusion of that, I met up with Kevin to play some tennis again. This time, we chose to play three sets. The first was hard fought, going to me 7-5. The next two I won 6-0, 6-0 as kevin admitted he played the worst match of his life after the first set. I came home, did laundry, and played some basketball. The rest of the night was highly uneventful, except for this program on the History Channel that talked about the 10 biggest threats to the future of humanity. It was really weird because you would think that they would be things that we couldn't control, but the top three were nuclear war, disease, and climate change; all three which we are able to do something about. The best quote from the program was something along the lines of "What if we we spent trillions of dollars and were able to finally find out how to deflect an asteriod yet at the same time we couldn't figure out how to stop us from destroying ourselves?" Pretty amazing when you think about it.

Back to the title now, as it is a line from the Guns N Roses song "Patience". Even though I heard a mind numbing rendition done of it by some random guy Saturday night, it is one of those great songs that you have never heard of. The basic message of the song is that no matter what facet of life you are having a problem in, sometimes the best thing to do is to let it fix itself after you've explored all the other options. Of course, Guns N Roses find the perfect words to coincide with the meaning of the song, which I think sets it above other songs that have similar meanings. All in all, just a little tidbit I thought I should share.

Finally, poem time. I tried to find something that would coorespond to the overall message of this post, so here it goes. Enjoy it.

Grandmother's Song
By: Nellie Wong

Grandmothers sing their song
Blinded by the suns' rays
Grandchildren for whome they long
For pomelo-golden days

Blinded by the suns' rays
Gold bracelets, opal rings
For pomelo-golden days
Tiny fingers, ancient things

Gold bracelets, opal rings
Sprinkled with Peking dust
Tiny fingers, ancient things
So young they'll never rust

Sprinkled with Peking dust
To dance in fields of mud
So young they'll never rus
Proud as if of royal blood

To dance in fields of mud
Or peel shrimp for pennies a day
Proud as if of royal blood
Coins and jade to put away

Or peel shrimp for pennies a day
Seaweed washes up the shore
Coins and jade to put away
A camphor chest is home no more

Seaweed washes up the shore
Bound feet struggle to loosen free
A camphor chest is home no more
A foreign tongue is learned at three

Bound feet struggle to loosen free
Grandchildren for whom they long
A foreign tongue is learned at three
Grandmothers sing their song



mh

a fresh start

"When will those clouds all disappear?"
-The Rolling Stones

The beginning of the summer always brings changes around here, and this year is none different. Times of big change can often lead to overexaggeration of problems, which we tend to make bigger when in reality they are quite small. Nonetheless, the last week has been hectic in almost every area of life.

To begin with, I'm not trading stocks anymore. I'll do it as a hobby, but not as a job anymore. It wasn't so much the stress or anything, but with my imminent move to penn state coming, it feels like a lot of things have to be put on hold. Instead, I've decided to get another job. I'm not going to post it on here yet because I still have to pass a drug test(yeah, ha ha) before I get it so I'm not going to say anything about it. That leads me to an interesting story. About 11:30 this morning I leave to go get the drug test at a place on West Carson St. I follow the directions I got, but somehow I pass it. If you're ever driven on Carson, you know that it's tough to turn around, so I did the dumbest thing possible: go across a bridge. I ended up in the heart of the city and to make a very, very long trek short I visited Northside, Squirrel Hill, Greenfield, Homestead, Squirrel Hill again, Southside, and finally found the damn place at about 1:45. However, when I get there, there is a sign on the door that says that they are in the process of moving across the street for one day only. I can't get a god damn break. The one day out of 365 that they move is the day that I need to get this stupid test done. I got home around 2:30 and things just kept getting worse. I was informed that a person who I consider a mentor of mine has terminal cancer and doesn't have long to live. I'm not going to go into specifics, but it just shook me hard because this person is still quite young. It's days like this that make you really start to believe that there are no guarantees while you're alive, only oppurtunities. I had a lot of time to think things over while playing basketball, and I came to the conclusion that because we have an unknown amount of time here, we can only be ourselves and spend time with people with whom that's good enough for. We never know how long we have, so what is the point of pretending to be someone that you're not? In the end, there is no point to that.

Things started to turn around a little later on tonight when I was playing an old video game with my brother. The game was Quest 64 and it brought back so many good memories. When I played the game, my brother would always be the navigator, the co-pilot so to speak. He was the person that had to put up with all my crap when I couldn't figure something out(I've called him a useless idiot more times than I can remember). Despite that my nature is one of intense passion and extreme competitiveness in everything I do, I realized that nobody should take as much flak as my brother takes. When I've had a terrible day, a day like today, he would usually be the first person that I would go off on. Yes, it is true that he can be really, really annoying at times, but that's just what makes him him. I know that taking him to Eat n Park with my friends later on in the night is no compensation for the many tirades that I gave him, but I figured I could at least do something nice for him. At around 11, a large group of us gathered at the famous spot to have a little late night snack. Conversation was abundant and as always, the night turned out as a success. Later on, a few of us went back to nayhouse's to play pool, but I could see that my brother was getting tired, so we left to go home around 1. I'ts funny how all it takes to turn a shitty day around is the support of a couple of good friends.

I never wanted to make this into some Oprah Winfrey inspirational special blog, but I need to thank all my friends, especially my close ones, for putting up with my shit. They are like my family and I'm very appreciative of them for that. I can act like the white, nerdy, goofy kid that I am around them and they could care less if that doesn't exactly put me in with the cool kids. I'm starting to do some whiny tribute though so it's time to move on.

Finally, I'm going to conclude this with the first poem that I read in my poetry class from last year. This poem combines nature and emotion which are two of my favorite elements in poetry into one long haiku. It pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now. As always, enjoy.

Hitch Haiku
By: Gary Snyder

They didn't hire him
so he ate his lunch alone
the noon whistle

Cats shut down
deer thread through
men all eating lunch

Frying hotcakes in a dripping shelter
Fu Manchu
Queets Indian Reservation in the rain

A truck went by
three hours ago:
Smoke Creek desert

Jackrabbit eyes all night
breakfast in Elko

Old kanji hid by dirt
on skidroad Jap town walls
down the hill
to the Wobbly hall

Seattle

Spray chips from the cargo-booms
a fresh-chipped wench
spotted with red lead
young fir-
soaking in summer rain

Over the Mindanao Deep

Scrap bass
dumpt off the fantail
falling six miles

Moonlight on the burned-out temple-
wooden horse shit.

Sunday dinner in Ithaca-
the twang of a bowstring

After weeks of watching the roof leak
I fixed it tonight
by moving a single board

Stray white mare
neck rope dangling
forty miles from farms.

Back from the Kaweahs

Sundown, Timber Gap
-sat down-
dark firs.
dirty; cold;
too tired to talk

Cherry blossoms at Hood river
rusty sand near Tuscon
mudflats of Willapa Bay

Pronghorn country

Steering into the sun
glittering jewel-road
shattered obsidian

The mountain walks over the water!
Rain down from the mountain!
high bleat of a
cow elk
over blackberries

A great freight truck
lit like a town
through the dark stony desert

Drinking hot sake
toasting fish on coals
the motorcycle
out parked in the rain.

Switchback

turn, turn
and again, hard-
scrabble
steep travel a-
head.



mh