tao of life

"In life, it's about finding that middle ground."
-Ryan Key, Yellowcard

I'd like to think that I've been saving lots of material since the last time I posted earlier this month, but the real reason is that I just have not felt like typing a post up. In regards to this blog, that is the main difference between me two years ago and me now: I simply don't want to post every miniscule thing that happens in my life. In reality, the last month has been pretty eventful as well as one of the best learning experiences for me as a person.

To simplify things, I'll just go with the last week of what has happened as that should suffice for the most part. Last Monday I had off so I decided to relax and clean the house up a little bit before going to the movies with bradburn, sarah, kathleen, and ashley. We saw Knocked Up, which was funny, but a little overrated in my book. I had heard that it was the funniest movie of the year, and while that may be true, it definitely wasn't life changing funny like a Borat or Happy Gilmore. I got home at about 11 and went over leigh's for awhile because she had just gotten back from vacation and was having a small gathering at her place. It was good to see her again, but the majority of the rest of the night was spent with sarah and I sending messages back at each other. To say that it ended ugly would be a vast understatement. It was me saying something out of frustration that I felt was true at the time. I think that the main problem there is that sometimes I misinterpret things because what I consider not classy is something that she considers normal. And we'll leave it at that. I arrived home and saw my brother in his normal position, laying on the couch, watching TV. He looked completely normal and I was shocked to hear that after he told me that his team lost his playoff game. When I was 13, if my team lost a game it was sort of an unwritten rule that you didn't talk to me on the way home because I got that upset about losing. Now if it was a playoff game, I was near inconsolible. My parents would tell me it was just a game, but it was always much more than that to me. Some sort of ultra competitive gene is inside of me and it would force me to lay awake at night and think about every little thing that I could have done differently. Despite the long nights that those losses caused, I learned so much from just going through all the things that I could have done better. Maybe it isn't good to think about things as much as I do, but the next time I get in that situation, I'll remember the mistake I made and try not to make it again.

Tuesday and Wednesday I worked at night and then went over Nayhouse's to chill afterwards. It's weird to see how much we have both grown up over the last five years, going from being young teenagers to high school kids to the final transition into becoming somewhat effective members of working society. Nonetheless, the one thing that has remained is that we have stayed good friends(I would say best friends but I'm trying to tone down the homosexuality of this sentence) throughout everything that has gone on, and I doubt that will change. Thursday night I went over to ben's and saw some of his friends, but I had to leave early because of work at 6 the next morning.

That morning I awoke at 5:15 with pains shooting down my back as they had been doing the whole night. Although it prevented me from sleeping well, I was pretty much awake for my whole shift which is something that definitely would not have happened had I not been tossing and turning all night. After sleeping for an hour, I began to make plans to go to the caste fireworks for the night. I walked down with bradburn, ben, and conroy and the next five hours were really a good time and didn't require that too much alcohol be consumed on my part, although that definitely wasn't a bad thing. By the time, I got home around 12:30 at night, I was completely exhausted.

Today was mainly uneventful during the day, mostly consisting of me running a few errands and playing a little basketball until kathleen's graduation party which nayhouse and I went to around 6. For the first thirty minutes, it was a good time. However, I knew that sarah and po would more than likely be coming, but the amount of awkwardness that occurs after two good friends clash can't be measured until you get to the moment where they see each other again. In retrospect, it was probably better that for once I listened to the little voice inside my head telling me not to say what I was thinking. After about thirty minutes, I leaned over to nayhouse and whispered, twenty bucks says I can throw this water bottle into the trash can. I demanded at least three to one since the trash can was a good fifteen feet away, but he countered with that if I made it in the first try we could leave. I agreed, and promptly nailed it from fifteen. We both busted out laughing, thanked kathleen, and went on our way.

I think that the most important lesson that I've learned in the past week is that different people react differently to news. Sometimes you have to accept that a person still cares about something even if they don't show it in the usual fashion. The most important thing to do is to try to keep searching for that perfect balance of everything in life. It's something that I'll be searching for for the rest of my life.

This poem doesn't really go along too well with the theme of this poem, but I like it so much I have to include it

O Captain! My Captain
By: Walt Whitman

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells
Rise up- for you the flag is flung- for you the bugle trills;
For you the bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths- for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.



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