my last respects

There will be an answer,
Let it be
-The Beatles

As I sit here typing this post, I wish that I had something better to report, but as things have kinda gone lately, I don't have a lot of good news to pass along. The past week has just been a continuation of june which all amounts to a bad stretch.

Tuesday night I got a call from Bethanne and I knew that it could be nothing but bad news. She confirmed my fears by telling me that our bowling coach, Buzzy had passed away earlier that morning. Even though everyone knew that this sad day would come, it was still difficult to comprehend at first. It didn't hit me until later on that night when I really started thinking about it and all I could see was his smiling face with a cup of coffee in his hand telling us that straight and in was the way to play the lanes.

The next day, Nayhouse and I left for Hershey, PA after I was done working at 4. The trip was a mixed bag of sorts because I was obviously excited to get away from a lot of the stuff that was happening at home, but in the end no matter how far away you go, you can't run from your problems. We arrived later that night and got food and to watch some pretty decent fireworks(although they were far away). The next morning we awoke early to catch some breakfast and we got out to the mini golf course with Nayhouse's cousin Sammy. It was fun, but I'm so damn competitive that it kinda ruins the spirit of laid back fun. I said kinda ruins because competition is a drug for me, and it can be the best one to be addicted to if used the right way. Afterwards, we got out to a place called Fairview Golf Course, which was why we came in the first place. The course was a little more difficult than South Park and despite the fact that it rained and looked like we were about to get smashed by the eye of the thunderstorm, I shot 88 and we got out of there just in time as the rains began to fall as we ran off the course. We got dinner at the same place as the night before, and left afterwards. It was a good getaway for awhile and I gotta thank Craig for hanging out with us and hooking us up big time.

I got home just in time to manage five hours of sleep before working one long ass shift Friday morning. For the first two hours, I was barely awake, and after that it was questionable as to whether I ever actually woke up. I stumbled out of there at 2 and slept for awhile before making arrangements with Bradburn to go to Buzzy's funeral. We saw a lot of people there that we knew, and it was great to see how many friends and family Buzzy had. As I made my way through the processional, I wondered what it was going to be like to have to do this for my friends, family, and ultimately what my funeral would be like. As I approached the casket, I noticed how different he looked. Obviously, I expected him to look a little different, but it was obvious the cancer had taken its horrific toll. After going through and paying my last respects, I decided that the way I saw Buzzy that day was never going to be the way I remembered him. I wanted to remember that vibrant fact, not the pale one that I saw there. And I will always remember him as a great man, both on the bowling lanes and off.

Once again, I said that I have more bad news to report. Going to the funeral, I heard that Mr. Stern, my mentor and one of the people that I truly look up to may also be sick. I think Bradburn said it best by commenting, "To lose Buzzy was shocking and terrible, but to lose Mr Stern would just be wrong. Not both of them." I couldn't agree more. If you went through a line of great people, few of them have the honesty, helpfulness, and kindness that Mr Stern. exhitibits every day of his life. Above all, he's a straight shooter and a guy who is always willing to help you, and those are two things that I try to be also.

Today, the sort of rift that I told you going on between Sarah and I finally ended. She texted me at work asking if I was home, and I assumed it was because she wanted to talk about everything, but as always, I was mistaken. That would have been the adult thing to do. Instead, I find out that she just gave all the shit that had of mine to my mom and then left. Seriously, who does that? It's like saying "This is about all I took from our relationship and later our friendship and I'm so kind I'd like you to have it back." Well fuck that. I may have said that her best friends were being annoying one night(which was true for that night, not in general), and she decided that was the last straw. The sad thing is the drastic change in our friendship over the last month. Everything rolled along pretty decently for the last year until she decided that she no longer cared as much as she used to. It's incredibly sad to see, but it's not something that I'm going to go ahead and blame myself for. When I look back, I'll think about the really fun times we had and her idiosyncracies that I loved, not of the person that blew me off countless times or that one day woke up and decided not to care anymore.

What I need to do is to learn to take the best from bad situations. When the dust has cleared, the best you can do is to remember the best of times you had with the person.

Nothing Gold Can Stay
By: Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf
So Eden sank to grief
And dawn went down to day
Nothing gold can stay



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