a turning point

So tonight I realized something. It's funny how seemingly insignificant things in your life can perhaps drastically change the way you look at things. Tonight, I hung out with bradburn and rossi. We wanted to go to the movies, but the 730 showing was sold out, so we went over to the village for awhile. After wasting time over there, we went into barnes and noble and I went to the back and found the phish cd that I've wanted to get for awhile now. At about 920 we walked over and got tickets to the movie Click. I expected it to be funny, but I didn't expect it to have any sort of serious message to it. Without giving away exact details, I'll try to sum up the moral of the story. Basically, we all have choices to make in our lives. We seemingly have to choose between moving up in the corporate world or spending time with people that make us happy. And this is truly a situation that comes up quite often. Subsequently, with each wrong decision we make, we start down the road towards distancing ourselves from the people we love and truly becoming an asshole. The problem is, we don't see the decisions that we're making as bad. We're almost in a state of delirium, because we think that we are trying to the right thing. Eventually, we realize that we're making poor decisions, but we have reached the point of no return. We eventually wake up 20 years later(the use of a magic controller is not necessary) and realize how bad we have actually done for ourselves. We may have reached the top of the world, but the divides that exist between ourselves and people that we care for have been so great as to eclipse the success that we found in the "real world". As the ending unfolded, I realized something: I'm on that path. I'm on the path to becoming a complete asshole. I had a few big things not go my way in the last year, but the way I reacted to these events was awful. I shut out the people that I cared about, and looked for the most subtle nuances that I could identify as problem spots in people or the way they thought. So I guess I have a lot of making up to do. I've really done myself in regarding some of the things that I have done in the last year or so. Maybe some things can't be fixed, but that's okay. The way I see it, my life isn't anywhere near complete. I'm still a young man, and I have a long time to go. I have a lot of time to fix my piss poor attitude towards life and actually start caring about people. So now is the time. I've realized that there is a chance, while slim as it may be, that I may not wake up tomorrow. As time goes on, those odds increase. In that regard, death is guaranteed in time. The only thing that I can do is try to change the way I live each day, and I plan on doing just that.

mh