new directions

For the first time in a really long time, I'm having trouble trying to find a good opening sentence for a post. I guess I'm finally actually excited about writing and I just wanted to start spilling my thoughts onto paper(kinda), but I needed to find a lame beginning to the whole post, so there it is.

First, I would like to address the fact that I haven't been posting with much frequency in the last year. However, starting now, I want to try to spend an hour each day doing nothing but writing. It's something that I used to do when I was a decent writer and I want nothing more than to get back to where I used to be. Besides my last post, the few people that actually read this thing have found my posts to be much less than loqacious. I realized that if I'm ever going to write anything more than the typical laundry list of things that everyone does, I'm actually going to have to be personal about things. I guess for a very long time I haven't wanted to be personal because it made me appear to be more normal. It took a long time for me to actually summon up the courage to write what I have actually been feeling(i.e last post), but a lot of good literature examines the absolute absurdities of the authors that wrote them. Also, I have come to realize that everyone has these little imperfections that most people don't get to see; yet some of the fun in writing is delving into these things. Almost everyone who has read my work who is a more talented writer than me has said that I need to be more personal. The ironic part of that is I used to rip on the people that were the cookie cutter writers. We've all seen them. He or she is the person who can whip out a five paragraph, thesis at the end of the first paragraph and beginning of the last pararaph with no problem whatsoever. And I became that guy. It wasn't from a lack of creativity, but rather from laziness and a certain detachment that I purported in my work. Unfortunately, laziness and detachment from one's work are signs of very obstinate, wish I were dead kind of work that nobody wants to read.

So I've decided that I'm going to try to change for the better. Not only with my writing, but every area of my life. If I can spend each day getting just a little better at everything that's important to me that time will quickly add up. On that note, I've layed out a rough sketch of things that I want to write about during the week:

Happenings in my life- 2 per week
Economic Issues- 2 per week
Entertainment- 1 per week
Sports - 1 per week
Literature-1 per week

It's all tentative, and I'm hoping that I can somehow find a way to rearrange the letters and words enough to post seven days a week. Writing is something that I've been passionate about for a long time; yet I've never taken the time to try to become anything better than an average writer. I'm hoping that writing here daily will help me become better than average.

pomelo golden days

It is 6:30 in the morning on a Monday in State College, Pennyslvania. It is the happiest place on Earth. The sun is gently creeping over the hills and I'm pondering the meaning of life again. I think it was Alfred Camus that once said that you can't live while searching the meaning of life. Maybe he was Albert. At this point, what's the difference? For the last ten hours I've consumed nothing but alcohol and the occasional snack. To say that I'm not thinking clearly is a vast understatement, as the alcohol has freed my mind in a way that I didn't think usually possible. I guess I'm sitting on the porch looking for inspiration. Not inspiration to write. More like inspiration to be. Be anything.

I go to class at 9 and 10 with a massive hangover that still has me stumbling down Pollock Avenue. I come home and am greeted by two of my roommates and a bad 90's comedy. I sit down for what I say will be a few minutes, but turns into an hour and a half after we put in mario kart and I grab a quick lunch. I'm starting to feel tired again. I think it's all the television, but I can't really be sure. I go to my room to take a nap. At first, I can barely fall asleep as the golden rays from the sun pierce through my bedroom. Fuck, I think. The sun is in the worst position of the day as the rays won't be far enough down for me to sleep for several hours now. I look over at my phone. Still nothing. It's been surprisingly quiet over the last two months. I'm not sure if I like it or not. Finally, after an unknown duration of tossing and turning, I'm able to get some sleep.

I wake and look over at my clock, and it reads 4:08. At first, I think that has to be wrong. I just fell asleep. My class started 33 minutes ago, but I quickly dismiss it as a whatever thing. It's okay to miss one or two classes a week, I think. However, I repute that immediately with the fact that I've never been the kind of person to not show up. It just seems that since I've arrived here, I have not wanted to do any work whatsoever. I'm not sure what it is, but usually I'll find my groove right about now in the semester and I'll get down to doing major work. I pause for a second and glare at the globe in the corner of my tiny room. It's a big fucking world, and I only probably have 80 or 90 years here. What's the use in studying something that millions of people already know? If I have such limited time here, shouldn't I be doing something that I actually want to do? I used to be so sure that economics and finance is what I wanted to do until I learned that in the whole scheme of things, what's the point of improving our economy's efficiency by .00004 %? I go back to the doing what I love thing, and realize something quickly. I have no clue what would actually make me happy.

It's 10:30 at night and I'm out again. Where and with who aren't important. I think the drink of choice is watermelon vodka that tastes like jolly ranchers and a bucket of lemon gin that tastes too much like lemon and not enough like alcohol. As I'm pouring myself another drink, I wonder if this is the night that I snap out of it. Maybe I'll finally get back to the person I used to be. I smile for a second. The truth that I've known for awhile comes back to me now: attitude is anything and everything. If you just get up and say you're going to have a good day, it's pretty much certain that you are going to have one. I realize that I have snapped out of it. I go back to that scene in Pink Floyd's The Wall documentary where Pink finally knocks down the wall. I still see the bricks falling down.

Blogger tournament and a few quick random thoughts

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 2018786

Also, I'd like to post a few random thoughts here since it has been about two months since I have posted here. First, life at Penn State is a lot different than life in Pittsburgh for a number of reasons. The weather here is fabulous. Since I've been here, we have had maybe three or four days of rain. The rest of the days have been sunny and just warm enough. It is weird living on your own at first because usually when you live at home you have to worry mostly about school and work and not too much about doing house work. However, up here, all three are constantly on your mind. In some sense, it makes you stop wasting time if you ever want to actually get anything done. The first month was hectic. There were nights when I would race through all the things I had to do and realize that it was going to take till 3 am to get them all done, and the kicker was that I had to be awake by 7:30 the next morning. By now, I think that I have the situation under control(for the most part). Yesterday was my birthday. At midnight on October 2, I was surprised with not one, but two cakes thanks to Mandi. I gotta give it to her, they were straight up amazing. The next night we had a big group dinner, played apples and apples, then played Mario Kart 64 and had an original NFL Blitz tournament. Yours truly took down the NFL Blitz tournament after being schooled in Mario Kart. All in all, it was a great birthday that I have to thank my roomates, the girls from 212, and some other people for attending/putting together. So now I'm off to eat breakfast and do some last minute creative writing homework before I go to class then to bowling practice tonight.

Until next time,

mh