searching for answers

yesterday- the day began with my awakening at 10 or something like that. I was out of the door by 10:30 and I shot pool until it was time for english class. English was a bore, it always is. At least Dr. "Mmmkkk" Mickle pushed the paper back until Monday so I can continue avoid citing my sources. Stats was another boring lesson from Amlund, but it isn't all that bad. I continue to not read the book and do alright on the tests and dominate the homeworks. Psychology was intriuging but nonetheless very boring. We have a test there on chapters 6-10 and people were freaking out about the test while I was laughing at them. Silly kids. In Comm we had a test and my group is pretty stupid except for adam davies who actually knows what he's talking about. Thank God somebody does. Afterwards, I played pool for a little while and then came home. Later, I picked up nick and we went to skyview. In the tournament, I lost a 10k pot when shawn butler pushed all-in and I called with sevens and he had threes. Of course, he hit a three on the turn. Tough crowd. After that, I sat down at 3/6 and the next four brutalizing hours were complete with me winning a total of TWO pots and not flopping top pair once. Correction, I had AQ and the flop came down Q 9 7 but a J on the turn gave some other lady jacks up and that beat me. TWO pots. The only pair I had in four hours was deuces and the flop was A K Q. Good one. After that, I had a K Q once. Nick went up like 700 and I hadn't seen such good cards...in a long time. I left pretty pissed off. My anger isn't derived so much from my lack of good play, but my lack of good cards. I haven't seen cards that bad since gerner's tournament in early June and even there I had A-rag a couple of times. Oh well, I guess that happens. After that, I was searching for answers to questions that I certainly can't answer. Why don't I have the good cards to play? How can I build any sort of bankroll with these cards? Will my luck ever change? I decided after awhile that those questions are pointless, they are rhetorical and time wasting. There is no answer to the hardest philosophical questions(no, the hardest philosophical questions are NOT the ones mentioned above), and we can only give our best approximation of it. Answering a question like Will my luck change? is sort of like answering where I will be in 6 months? You just never know the answer. I wonder if anyone ever thought as the future like a mathematician thinks of infinity. You can tangle with what you think it is late at night and then you just reach the conclusion that it's a mystery. Some questions don't need to be answered to produce satisfying results.
today- I woke up very late for my standards and began working on psychology. I find the more I learn in psychology, the more I want to learn. I truly believe that I'm a compulsive learner. I've also deduced that I'm a compulsive person. I'm going to reference two quotes here and maybe someone but me can relate to them. "Being a compulsive person is a terrible thing." and "There is a fine line between genius and insanity." I'm not saying that I'm a genius, because I'm far from it. It just seems like the higher up I go in my education, the more ridiculous these theories get. Take calculus for example. Calculus is hundreds of years ahead of its time in terms of real world application and it often relies on almost always on thinking about "what-if" situations. Anyways, I'm feeling very philosophical myself tonight, as you may have noticed. Later on, I went to work which was tedious and boring. I came home and watched the OC, which wasn't as good as I expected. Ryan should have stayed on the damn fishing boat instead of running back to Marissa in typical American happy ending fashion. After, I had a long talk with anna and I think we got a lot of things sorted out, all for the good. I didn't realize how loud I was talking to her until my mom came in and told me that she had to get up at 5 am. Oops. Then I studied more for psychology, read a few blogs, and wrote in this thing.

I'm gathering my own poetry together and I'm going to start adding it in starting next time.

mh