on the rise

After almost two months of being stuck in a lethargic state of mind, I think I'm starting to rise again. Being a person who likes to reflect back upon things, I took into consideration what 2006 has been like so far. It has really been a losing battle in a lot of aspects of poker(minus poker). Poker is the only thing that seems to have gone right up until this point. Starting about half way through january it's just been domino theory; the domino collapsing after the one before it making a bigger thud. Not to use too many bad analogies/cliches but when you dig a deep hole, you need a big ladder to get out. I wouldn't really call it depression because depression, in my opinion, is when one specific event is holding you down. Lethargy is when you wake up refreshed and hear that another bad thing has happened to you or someone close to you. I can't really complain though, no "knockout" punches yet. Just a bunch of little jabs that wore me down. Like the buddha said, suffering is universal. Perhaps the only thing you have in common with Tiger Woods, Prince Charles, or George Bush is that at one point or another you will experience suffering. Bad streches are a part of life, but so are good streches.

This weekend was nothing great to speak of. Last weekend I found that routes 51, 43 and 70 all connect as nayhouse and I proceeded on our longest road trip yet. It was a good one though. I love being lost in the middle of nowhere. Nobody knows your name and you're in a place that you've never been in before. That sunday I played in a 1/2 game that I think I ended up winning something like 7o dollars after 5 hours. When you factor in that the smoke inhalation probably takes a day off your life for every hour you're in there, -EV(expected value) is attained. It was actually a fun game to play in and I seem to make friends with foreign players faster than Americans. It really is the truth that foreigners are less concerned with money than Americans are. I feel like "one of them" at the table. I play poker not for the money, but because I really like the game. It's one of the few arenas where good strategy and versatility are quintessential elements to being a winning player.

This weekend I hung out with leigh, bradburn, carly, and eventually christine. The four of us went mini golfing and beside the fact that I was doing horrible and it was rather cold, it was enjoyable. Apparently bets were supposed to be made but nobody would be me anything. Speaking of bets, if you haven't checked out Pauly's blog yet, do so. He's one of the funniest and best writers out there and his latest post about glass eyes had me going good. The link for his site is taopoker.blogspot.com. On saturday, I had to work from 9-5. Once again, nothing really to speak of except nayhouse almost getting thrown out of the store in one of the funnier moments of 2006. That night, I was able to study for history for about three hours and then nayhouse and I shot pool and discussed the finer aspects of life. Personally, I think I'm better than him at pool yet he continues to kick my ass in every game we play. Oh well, I tilt for 5 minutes and then tell some story to get off tilt. On sunday, I had a very long six hours at work, but it was worth it. I went to the freeroll at skyview and there were so many people there. I got entered in the 20 dollar survivor pool plus the 300 for first place. I looked at my starting table and didn't see many threats to speak of. On the third hand I attempted a bluff and got called down by second pair. About fifteen hands in I moved my last 5600 in with 33 and got called by AJ and...AJ. In this spot, 33 is good about 60% of the time. The flop was K Q 2 rainbow and I was jus thinking about what I was going to do with those 17k chips I was about to get. Well, I didn't have to think too hard as a J spiked on the turn and there was no 2 outer on the river to save me. What really sent me tilting was the lady who said that she started with the best hand and ended with the best hand. So yes, I tilted in a freeroll. I sat down at a 30 dollar satellite for awhile because there were no NL games that had started yet. My bad fortune continued when I had QJ and the flop came 9 10 Q and I pushed allin and got called by 10 J. Of course, an 8 came on the river and we chopped. The same kid called two hands later a hand in which I had AA on a K 10 9 board and he had K J. A queen promptly came up to end my day there. I sat down at a 1/2 NL game a little later and on the first hand I had K 8 in the SB. Flop was K 8 5 and I bet the pot and got two calls. Turn was 6 which was fine by me. I bet 1.5 times the pot and a solid kid who I had played with before smooth called. The river came a 4 and he promptly bet out about half the size of the pot. I looked him and said "6 7 eh". I reluctantly called and he showed 6 7. Even after that hit, I ended up coming back to almost even before moving to 5/5. One big hand for me happened against afif where I had QJ. Flop was Q 4 2 and I bet out 2/3 the pot. He called immediately and the turn came a 2. I bet the pot and again he called. The river was a K and I checked. He bet half the pot and I called. He flipped over AK and I could only shake my head. I continued to play very good and after a rebuy I was up about one buyin and it was about 10 PM. Then something happened. I proceeded to play the worst 30 minutes of poker in my life. I was just playing like an absolute amateur. I can't explain what happened other than I had a complete mental lapse for half an hour. I was playing so bad I felt like asking my tablemates what hand beat what. At 10:30 I ran out of there with my original buyin which left me down about 50 on the night.

Today I woke up extra early so I could finish my last minute history studying. I felt pretty good going into the final. When I looked at it at first, I saw that it exposed some of my glaring weaknesses. First, it talked about chapters in the Thurow book that I hadn't reviewed. And one of the seven essays was about Nixon and the silent majority, something that I know about but didn't review thoroughly. There were several other questions where an educated guess was the best I was going to do(who cares about the key elements of the social rules revolution anyways?). I came home and spent the better part of the day outside getting things done and playing about 2 hours of basketball. I went to study for geography and got through chapter 9 and fell asleep. I'm really glad that I didn't actually read that book, because I was getting tired just reviewing it. I woke up and was joyed to see that ortiz hit that 3 run homer to seal the game for the red sox. In a way I kind of feel bad for johnny damon when 40,000 crazed boston fans were shouting his name at the end of the game. You could see in his eyes that he missed playing in front of the drunk fenway fans and perhaps he was somewhat regretful that he went to new york. I'm sorry, but I hate the yankees. I spent the rest of the night sorting some things out and now I'm here unable to sleep because of the nap I took earlier.

After going back and reading through Pauly's blog again, I realized something: his post about being honest with yourself seemed to glare right at me. Lately, I did not want to admit that something was wrong. Unless you're honest with yourself in all aspects of life, you cannot begin to advance yourself as a human being. You can wear a mask for awhile, but eventually people will begin to see through that mask. It's just a matter of time before the weaknesses in your life that you have denied exist before begin to show through. To quote him almost exactly, he says that "we must strive to find the good things that we do and to address the things that we do poorly." I've been trying to think of things that I do good in my life. If I put my mind to it I have a lot of creativity. I can make people laugh. I can be an articulate and convincing speaker if it's something that I care about. I have trouble taking a lot of things seriously. I sometimes reflect on people's bad characteristics rather than the good ones that they exhibit. Sometimes, there is a lack of control of emotions on my part and that can spill over to parts of my life that I don't want it to.

So there you go. This has to be one of my longer posts so I hope you enjoy it.

new poem today. It's just a segment of a work by marvell since the original version is much longer. Enjoy.

To His Coy Mistress(segmented)
By: Andrew Marvell

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

mh