It's 4 AM...and I'm not tired

Yeah, it's really weird that it's this late and I'm only beginning to get tired. Last night, I only had 5 hours of sleep and I don't know why I feel this good.

thursday- Nothing but work all day.
friday- Nayhouse and I chilled for the whole day. I woke up at around 11 and he came and picked me up at about 1250. We went out to the mall to get something to eat and then stopped in giant eagle to rent the movie saw. I was really surprised how cheap it was to rent a movie. It used to be like 6 bucks for 5 days with the movie or video game. That' s the only good thing that has come out of piracy of movies. Anyways, we went back to his house and copied saw and a few other movies onto the laptop. We ordered a pizza and shot pool for most of the rest of the night.
saturday- Work was extremely easy thanks to it being the day before Christmas. Basically, it consisted of me recieveing my Christmas present and standing around and talking all day. After I got off, I went home, hung out, and watched football for awhile. Next, I ate a bunch of different little appetizers like shrimp, pepperoni, and a few other things for dinner. The tree was decorated and it actually looked pretty good. It was kind of sad to see the presents under the tree the day before Christmas because it was such a tradition to me to only see them there one day a year. Now is always a great time for reflection on what has happened this year. If I asked myself what I was going to do this year last year, I would have never conjured some of the stuff that actually happened this year. All in all, I'd say that overall it was a slightly above average year. My health was great for the whole year. I had two girlfriends this year, Erin, and my current one, Anna. I quit my job at Chapon's, tried my hand at playing cards professionally, and then went to Ace Hardware to work when my financial situation became bad. I don't regret that move at all. In terms of accomplishments, I can say that I was the captain of the first Baldwin team to win the WPIBL's in five years. I graduated from high school with a pretty good GPA. I had a good summer, but not a great one. As always, I wasted too much of my time. That mistake will NOT be made again this summer, but I'll have to grind my way through a second semester to get there. I made it through the first semester of college with flying colors(3.73 GPA). I made new friends(Mt. Lebo, random girls in Ohio, PSU Mckeesport) and reacquianted with old ones(Bethanne, Anna). I wouldn't trade all the lessons I learned this year for any sum of money in the World. With a wordly perspective, I learned more about myself, my friends, the world, and other people this year than I did in my whole 17 years before this. Anyways, getting back to my day, I went to bed around 2 AM.
sunday- It was Christmas, but I would have to wait until 2 PM to open any of my gifts because my mom worked that day. I had no problem doing it, but drew was annoying the hell out of me. When we got home, the melee started. I got a comfy chair, a steelers jersey, a pink floyd hoody from drew, a video game, some cd's, and other things that I can't even think about right now. Material things don't really please me, but I was truly surprised how happy I was after all was unwrapped. Almost immediately after that, our family went to my uncle's house. It was a little awkward becuase some people who aren't usually there were there this year. All in all though, it was fun. I got to talk to my cousin nick for the first time in over two years, and he talked to me about extending his 6 year army contract and told me all the benefits of being in the army. It sounds great, I'm just not sure it's for me. I came home and chilled later.
monday- I woke up at around 10 and did some running around before going into work at 5. Work was perhaps the most boring, longest 3 hours of my life. Angie, Larry, and myself played games and stood around and talked about just about anything. After that, I came home, showered, and picked up bradburn and we went over bethanne's. It was the first time we had hung out in about 6 months and it was geniuely fun minus maura and bradburn ready to kill each other. We played this really bad version of twister and watched Coyote Ugly, which ended up being pretty funny. Bradburn and I left around 11 and picked up nayhouse and the three of us watched caddyshack and had a fact or fiction section before crashing at around 4.
tuesday- We woke up at around 930, which was really early in regard to the time we went to bed the night before. We ate breakfast, and then bradburn went back up to his house and nayhouse and I played FIFA 06, which is a very addicting game. When bradburn was ready, we went out to best buy and the mall. At the mall, we stopped in at a bunch of different stores and ate at the food court. I had the 7 dollar general tso's from manchu wok, which was surprisingly worth it. After, I dropped off both and got ready for work. Work really wasn't that bad, and it went by surprisingly fast. For the two hours after that, I chilled and got ready to go to stock's. Bradburn called and said that they were at walmart and would be home soon. The event got started around 1130 and we played a little poker. However, the game had to be stopped around 130 because we had to go down to the waterfront and mess with coda. Apparently, he was on a date with some really hot Bosnian chick and we decided to mess with him and put gey porn and silly string on his car. It was really funny to have him call kinger and ask him who did that to his car while we were sitting right there. We all went back to stocks and finished the game(gerner and I split) and played side games. For the night I was up 40, which isn't bad at all. I came home at around 4 and typed up this blog post.

Here's a little sample of what I've been working on. See if you like it or not.

No Mood For Sleep
By: Matt Hartman

4 AM, no mood for sleep,
Night died, no time to weep,
Sun rises, the people awake,
Sun falls, make no mistake.

Every day, same rise and fall,
Always moving, never a stall,
Sunrise, sunset, why is it then
It won’t be the same again?

They leave their things behind
To watch nature’s day unwind
And although it will never change
Nature’s glory remains the same

life is a constant struggle....against ourselves

yeah, the title basically sums up how I'm feeling right now. I'm pretty pissed off, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I'll get into it later.

monday- I woke up at around 1030 and took a shower, brushed teeth, and did everything else to get ready. I went to supercuts in caste to get my hair cut and I actually don't mind the job she did. Last time I went down there, they really messed it up. After that, I had to finish christmas shopping so I went out to Century 3. It was probably the stupidest thing I could have done because it was so crowded there. I bought The Who greatest hits for myself and a Dark Side of the Moon poster that I've yet to put up. At Tela Ropa, where I bought the poster, there was a girl with a Niles, OH shirt on. Niles, OH always reminds me of nayhouse and the Mahoning Valley Scrappers and how we hit on every girl in that stadium in the summer. Haha. I talked to her for a couple minutes and she said that she only visited Niles and didn't actually live there. After that, I went up to the food court and got this 5 dollar chesseburger combo that wasn't too bad. Nayhouse called and actually was going to ask me if I wanted to go to the mall because he needed to pick up gifts for his family. He met me at the food court and after finishing eating, we went downstairs to see Shawn "Old Man" Masten. I call him old man because he works 40 hours a week at his shop in the mall and doesn't go to college. Hopefully his mom is giving him hell for that, because he's definitely smart enough in networking or computer science to go. Whatever though, whatever keeps you happy. I came home and drew and I played ocarina of time for a little bit. It's pretty sad because the game is so easy now. However, I'm about to go into water temple and that's still probably going to be hard for me even now. I love the challenge though. I probably talked to anna at night and crashed at around 1.
tuesday- As always, an uneventful day until bowling at 330. I took drew with me because apparently he practices with the team now. I talked with my old friends for awhile and then with my parents and dan duscheid, who's going to be a really good bowler someday, even though he's only a freshman. I told him he should probably be going to practice 4 days a week, no more. If you do anymore(like I did), severe burnout occurs and you want to shoot yourself when you see anything associated with bowling. At work, I cleaned out the attic, which hadn't been cleaned out in over 15 years. I'm such a lucky guy. It's so nice to be able to inhale those dust particles trapped under boxes for the last decade and a half. I came home, talked to anna, and chilled.
today- I woke up a little late, maybe around 1030 or something like that. I went down to work around 1 and picked up my check from last week and went to the bank to cash it. Next, I went up to the high school and was actually on time for the bowling match. Believe me, those douches actually almost left without me last time. Can you believe they would leave without bus montior/coach matt, because I can't. Haha. The back of the bus just isn't what it used to be. No mike roth screaming "kill yourself" or steve sobkiewicz telling everyone how great he is. They even took n00b's seat on the bus and made him sit up front. There's not a lot really to say about the match. We shot around 2850(about a 190 average) and swept them in both the boys and girls. Props to both the boys and girls, who are both 4-0 and have a tough match next week against our rival, west mifflin. The bus ride home was a subtle taste of the past. Things and people were being thrown around the back. Bethanne and I pretended we were best friends again. We fit three people in a seat. Random people grabbed random places on others' bodies(don't ask). Haha. That was that though. Something happened when I got home that reminded me of just how good my life is. I can't say what it was, because it's better phrased that something that could have happened didn't happen. It reminded me that I'm just a speck in time and I better enjoy that speck for all it's worth. I sojourned over to nayhouse's and picked him up and rode his bitch ass out to best buy. Just playing dude. Actually, he went out there to finish his shopping and then he picked up his pizza at IVP. He comped me with pizza and a drink, although I didn't accept the pizza because he's jewish. No, actually I had just eaten spaghetti so I wasn't hungry at all. We played pool, and I kicked his ass in 9 ball(1-0) and 8 ball(3-2). We chilled upstairs and watched this dude on comedy central tear apart all these different ethnic backgrounds. His favorite target was white people. I thought it was pretty funny though. After I left there, I went straight to skyview. I told myself I wasn't going to play until after christmas, but I wanted to give myself an early present. I got seated at a 3/6 table with nick and....justin klobuchir, better known as kloby. Yeah, you've probably heard the name, he's a legend everywhere. Although his legend status is not the case, he's one of the best people to hang out with on or off the poker table. He could be up or down hundreds of dollars and still making jokes. He's on my Top 10 people Alive or Dead list. I was up to about 180 at one point, but basically I was just treading water until about 1230 when kloby and nick left. Every time I would make a run to put myself up big, I would lose a pot on the river. These weren't like 1:1 or 2:1 hands, these were crushing 10% suckouts. If I counted right, 7 of them total ended up costing me probably 500 dollars. I take that back. I'll give you one hand that was a suckout and another that wasn't a suckout. I'm dealt 67c UTG and I raise to 6 because I'm crazy like that. 2 callers. Flops comes down As 3c 5c. I check, one guy bets, another raises, I call, other guy calls. Turn is the 4d giving me the nuts. I check, other guy bets, third guy calls, I raise, both call. River is the 6s, still giving me a 7 high straight. I bet 6, other guy calls, third guy raises to 12, I raise to 18, other guy folds, third guy calls. The third guy shows 78 for a nut straight. That was one of the most horrible beats I've ever taken. It was a 5% card because the other guy said he mucked a 26. Wow. Now I'll give you an example of a not so bad suckout. I'm dealt 89c and an old dude raises, everyone in front of me folds, I call double the BB. Flop comes down 10 J Q rainbow giving me the straight. He bets, I raise, he raises, I reraise. Turn comes 2 rainbow. I bet, he calls. River is, of course, an A. He bets, and I call relunctantly. He has pocket kings. He hit a 7 outer max(15% or so), but he had me dominated preflop. That still makes me mad, it was that kind of night. The last hand I busted on some lady hit an A on the river to make it 8 beats on the night. If we want to say that each pot was probably worth 70 dollars, that cost me 560 dollars. I would have taken 7/8 pots because that was what the odds say it should have been. I should have gotten sucked out on once, NOT EIGHT TIMES. Arg. Walking out to the car just made me think how bad this world sucks. All anyone cares about is money or power. As I was walking down that desolate street, I imagined a world without fear. I imagined the world that we lived in where you could walk down the street without being afraid of getting popped or leaving your car unlocked and not having to worry about it getting stolen. I think Micheal Shaara said it best once by stating: "Man may be the angel of this earth, but by god, man is a killer angel." Sound oxymoronic to you? It sure does to me. I just wondered how free the first man on earth felt knowing that nobody was watching him, there was no GPS tracking him, there weren't cameras inside his hut because some asshole leader said there could be. Nope, it was just him and his buddies roaming the land. It's really bad what we've done in the last 500 years with this earth. There's still time though. We must act quickly, but there's still time. We need to return to a much simpler world that doesn't put so much strain on the natural resources of this world. Imagine. Just imagine. A world where money didn't exist. The leader of the tribe was based on who the best man was, not who knew the most people. Where you could walk down your dirt road and not fear someone gutting you.

Sorry if this post is sounding like a John Lennon How To instructional video, but I'm tired and sometimes I feel that we've messed up as a human race, that's all.

No poetry for tonight, my writing has got sidetracked for a little while.

no rest...ever

well, actually I lied. There will be a great deal of rest that will happen this week, but life will keep spinning out of control after that I'm sure.

wednesday- I had my last final at 1 and was exuberant to have finished it without much problem at all. Seriously, I studied enough that I only had to seriously think about five of the questions. I ended up getting a 43/50 which guaranteed my A in the class. That was like a load off my shoulders for sure. After that, I decided to treat myself and I went down to princess before the match started and bowled three games. The first game I was killing it. I didn't miss the pocket once and shot something like 243. Everything after that was downhill. I couldn't find a line and wasn't really interested in finding one. I was there to have fun and that's what I did. I couldn't tell you what I had, but it was probably a low 600 if I was to guess. The match was beginning just as I finished my bowling, so I went down there. The guys didn't bowl that well, but it was enough to take care of Seton. The girls, in typical baldwin fashion, won the first game, lost the second, and then came back with vindication in the third game to topple former section champ Seton and gain soul possession of the section lead. Good for them. That amy girl on Seton has her head up her ass and I'm glad she left it there during the match. Great job to all the girls, and as usual, all the guys. Later, we went out to U's which is a chinese buffet if you've been sleeping under a rock for the last five years. It was fun for sure, but the same pitch that defined last year's team just isn't there this year. Hopefully we'll find it by the time section and WPIAL championships come. For the rest of the night I talked to anna and celebrated freedom by writing.
thursday- My first real day of freedom. I didn't do ANYTHING all day and then went to work later. That's about all. I won't bore you with details of what I do while I'm at home. Oh, by the way, thumbs down to the OC so far this year. Too many happy endings.
friday- I woke up at 653 to a text from anna and I read it and as I was typing a reply, I fell back asleep. I got up at 1050 and was out of the door to go to the pizza hut buffet in 15 min. I didn't want pizza hut so I went to wendy's instead. Their burgers are great, but they're only good if you've had some reprise from them, and the three months before that I'd gone without them did the trick. I walked over to pizza hut buffet and nayhouse, bradburn, snake, and dave grusch(wow, that's a blast from the past) were already beginning their destruction of the buffet. Eventually, some kid named CJ(maybe?), Dan(who I know from comm 150), leigh, nicole, and dan bowman showed up there. I didn't want to pay for the buffet but I wanted cinnamon sticks bad. Nayhouse got them for me and I was taking them down like shots of bacardi to avoid having to pay the six bucks. That and the mountain dew got my heart racing. We left there and went to nayhouse's to play pool. I won the 9 ball tourney when I beat bradburn by making two tough shots in a row. Nayhouses' drawing on the board reminded me of the prop bet we made awhile ago. 15 days or so left buddy. Looks like you're gonna win, unless I pull out a stunning miracle. Haha. In 9 ball, nayhouse made the 8 ball or we would have beat bradburn and snake in the finals. The last tourney had myself and nicole beating nayhouse and leigh in a single game. By far the funniest though was the death match that occured between leigh and bradburn. I don't remember who won, but some sticks were almost about to be used as weapons. After that, we went to the high school to see some old teachers. Bradburn and snake talked to kreur, and afterwards we went to senora's room and she gave me some helpful hints about getting a teaching job after college. Finally, we made our rounds to tietz's room. As always, he and I debated about politics, sports, and NASCAR(which we both agreed was not a sport). I respect his views, I just don't agree with them at all. I think the same holds true for bowman. I respect that he's a hardline republican, but I completely disagree with everything that goes on in Washington. No child left behind was a great plan for funneling money to poorer schools, but in reality, it has done the opposite by making schools pass tests. Sure, you get money when your school does poorly, but it gives your district a bad rep. and nobody wants their children to go to schools like that(I wouldn't mind it). The economy is recovering, but not quickly enough. Measures have to be taken to pour money into American industry instead of shipping billions worth of money and jobs overseas. The war on terrorism is a disaster, and I think that all republicans can agree with me on that as well. We've lost over 2000 men and commited 150,000 more men to a cause that we've seen little out of. I mean, we got Saddam and his brothers, but have we made the country a better place? Here's the point where we have to examine if our system is ALWAYS the best thing. The answer is no, and Iraq is one of the best examples of where it was not ripe for regime change. If we were to go after every single leader that ever killed civilians for going against the country, we'd be in quite a few countries. We're not. It's all about the oil people. Bush's handling of Katrina was a joke. I don't think it's because bush hates black people, but rather because he has no decision making abilities whatsoever. Social security reform needs to happen. In typical bush fashion, he talked a big game at the start of 2005, but he quickly shut down his plan in, oh, february when he realized it might take a little effort to get it passed through the house and congress. There's a president who cares about us. Scandal after scandal have deteriorated from the credibility of the oval office. His one good thing this year was the appointment of John Roberts, who I have no problem with. Personally, I'm with him on gay marriage too. I DON'T WANT TO SEE TWO HOMOS KISSING IN THE APARTMENT NEXT TO ME. That's gross, really. Good job Bush. Anyways, the tirade is over. Later, bradburn, myself, booter vidt, nicole, and leigh went to the penguin game. It was mighty fun minus the fighting between bradburn and leigh. After the game, all of us plus nayhouse went to Denny's. All in all, one of the best days I've had in awhile.
saturday- Work was okay, nothing great. After work, my family and I went to bravo's in the galleria to meet my uncle Dave, his family, and my grandparents for a Christmas dinner. The food was really good and I got to hear the mt. lebo accent for the first time in eight months. It kind of pisses me off that they speak so proper, but you can't really say anything bad about them. When we were done, we went back over to my grandma's house and had dessert and opened gifts. I got a best buy gift card and a book The Historian which looks good. I helped my grandparents get their tree up and pack their stuff to go to florida on tuesday. We went home at about nine and I relaxed for the rest of the night.
today- Work was actually pretty fun. Mindy and I talked about making a show about all the different people that come down to the store. I think it would be pretty funny. I ate dinner and then called anna and had a good convo with her. We decided that if we live in the same house there's gonna be a slide instead of steps and we'll have a big pit of balls like they used to have at DZ(a.k.a Leaps and Bounds for you old timers). I got ready and then my mom and I went to see ryan russman sing at the baltimore house. It was really fun, and I thought that he was the best one there, although he ended up finishing third. I think the judging was fixed because the girl who won sucked really bad. Whatever, third is good. I returned to my house and typed up a blog post.

I guess I have to start to thinking about what I want to do on this break. Hanging out with anna when she's on break and finishing the first act of my play are both high on the list. Also included is getting a hair cut, beating the zelda game for N64(the good one, not majora's mask), relaxing, finding a dark side of the moon poster, and hanging out with people coming home from college. I haven't even started thinking about 2006 yet, although at the start of the year I want to do an experiment for my curiosity only. I won't inform you guys what it is, I'll just tell you if it worked or not. Haha. Finishing my play and second book of poetry are high on the list for sure. I think enjoying life is #1 though. I was reminded today as I was carrying out bags of calcium chloride that we live in the best country on the best planet in the universe. I mean, nothing gets better than this. Not too hot, not too cold, plenty to eat, air to breathe. All the simple things like the beauty of a 20 degree day or the encompassing blue sky are lost in our daily routines. Enjoying my summer will definitely be something that I'm going to value highly. I couldn't finish this without including one person: Anna. I'm looking forward to the new year and for every day that we talk or spend together. I love you.

Well system of a down's byob is on my random song generator and has ended my will to write. Haha. I have new poetry, but it's in my room and I'm saving it for a later date where a whole post might be dedicated to either an act of the play or my book of poetry. We'll see. Until then, eat, drink, be merry, and love life.

mh

all behold....finals week

Whew, it's that time of year. It's the time that makes or breaks your grade, and in some people's case(obviously not mine) your heart.

thursday- nothing really except for work where we moved the tractor out of this big wooden cage that it was in....haha. It was actually pretty fun using the crowbar to smash the wooden walls that bounded the tractor. It was a metaphor for well....something.
friday- I didn't go to classes because there was a huge snowstorm the night before and my street wasn't driveable whenever it was time to go to class. Actually, thinking back, thursday and friday were full of symbols of everyday things that represented similies of what was going on in my life at that time. The night before anna and I had a pretty big disagreement(which is pretty rare) and it was kinda symbolized in the brutalizing power of a snowstorm. Ironic to say the least. Instead of going to classes, I did homework and not much else. I listened to mark's radio show although the network would stall every three seconds, making it difficult to actually listen to any of the songs. It kinda sucks to have missed the last live broadcast of the year because he played so much good stuff, but such things happen. Later that night, I was supposed to go out with some people, but a slight miscommunication and I was playing legend of zelda for a lot of the night until my dad got home. He, my brother, and I went bowling at princess lanes and we saw schleich and his friend joe(who was a really cool kid) there. I was throwing the ball decently well and was in the pocket 90% of the time for the night. All night, I left a total of one ten pin, and I picked it up. I made my spares and only had three opens in four games(two were splits) and I ended up averaging 218, which isn't bad for not bowling for two and a half months. Basically, we had gone out to avoid this jewelry party that my mom was holding at our house and it was a successful endeavor. By the time we returned, they had all gone up to mccoy's to do whatever they do up there. I played a little more ocarina of time(best game eva) and crashed.
saturday- Work wasn't really bad at all because I was up and awake for most of it. After work, I made some calls and we got a night arranged. Well actually, my friends and I never really plan anything, we just go with the flow. I guess that would explain why nayhouse and I went for so many random drives in the summer, especially those that went out 43. I picked up leigh and booter and we went to denny's just to talk. I think that's a really great thing, sometimes just taking some time off going out and talking with your old friends. Of course, there were plenty of updates to unravel at that table, and most of them came out. I'm not going to share what was talked about because it might offend some of you(actually it wouldn't) but I'm basically too lazy to type it up. After, we picked up nayhouse and went back to my vacated house. We talked about just about everything and went on to watch LOTR. Nayhouse and Leigh had a moment or whatever and were able to repair their mostly tattered friendship. I lent booter Theory of Poker, and hopefully it will help his very bad poker game. Haha, just playing dude. I devoted the rest of the night to talking to anna and we worked out a deal to make things better. I don't really feel like talking about what the whole thing involved, so you'll have to use your little imaginations and conjure up what was said. I crashed at about 1:30 that night
sunday- Every two weeks work on sunday is pretty fun. It's me, berman(dave), and mindy. For whatever reason, our odd mix of people is an actually fun day. I've known berman for five years and mindy and I have a friendly work relationship. It just seems like the three of us work very well together. Anyways, I studied so much on sunday night for stats, comm, and edthp.
yesterday- I woke up and was prepared. In stats, I though the final was kinda easy, but it's never as easy as it seems. I ended up getting a 35, which exactly puts me at an A-. I kinda felt for mark, because he gave everything on that test. No worries dude. I'd like to say to him, in the least gay way possible, that he has more than surprised me since the semester started. Our academic levels are more or less the same, and I really didn't give him credit where credit was obviously due earlier in the semester. For that, I sincerely apologize. The comm final was ridiculously hard. I mean, I knew that he would be gey and ask questions about the smallest details in LOTR. Our group final was no easier. The questions were so debatable as to what the correct answer was. In between the two, the crew met for dinner for the last time. As I once said to my old friends from high school, all good things must come to an end. Or, as the Chinese proverb goes, "Every new beginning comes from another new beginning's end." Genius, absolutely genius. Actually, that reminded me, and I put on that Semisonic song, Closing Time. That song makes me think of graduation all the time. A bittersweet memory to say the least. Back to real time, we took the edthp final and I got a 94% which basically locked up my A in that class. If I calculated everything correctly, I'll have a 3.50 exactly. This is all dependent upon whether I do well on my psych final though. We shall see.
today- I woke up and began studying for psychology. I had neglected it throughout the weekend because of bigger problems and I had some catching up to do. Thank god I have a little bit of volition left in the tank. I went down to practice and realized something. I realized that there is a wall between old school and new school baldwin. For as long as I was there, a level of respect was maintained for older people. If I went to a meeting of all the former captains, we would be able to laugh and tell stories of past adventures. However, I think that five years from now, the captain, whoever he is, will not be able to say that. It's sad, really. I feel alienated from the people I'm supposed to be coaching. The younger kids want to try to act cool because they think they're the shit. The younger girls are improving rapidly, but a lot of them are kind of weird. I've tried talking to them and it just doesn't pan out. Even the older girls like bethanne, maura, and lauren, I feel like I don't even relate to them anymore. Maybe I'm being awakened or moving on with my life or something, but it just doesn't seem like I can have a conversation with any of them like we used to have. The senior guys are the only ones I can relate to. They're the last class that was from the old school. I hope you guys win the section, WPIAL, and state, so that I can say that I went out a loser. I will not be returning next year unless I have a significant change of mind. It would be a lonely, lonely place there. I would have nobody to talk to, and it would be kind of like wasting my time. Everything these days brings me back to pink floyd's "wish you were here", but this especially. Ivana left work early so it was only dave, larry, and myself to tend the fort. It went very smoothly. Later, I went to wendys with my bro, and that was the first time that I ate there in a long time. After that, I talked to anna. I'm beginning to realize just how much I really love her. I know this may sound homo, emo, or whatever other terms you're using these days. I never really talked about how I felt about her in this blog because it's public, but I really don't care anymore. She's beautiful, smart, easy to talk to, a good listener, and we definitely have whatever it is that makes two people connect. So that's that. I love you a lot. Finally, I studied for psych a little more, and wrote this blog post.

I know this has been long and I sound like reverend jackson when I start preaching, but I'll leave you with one more thing. I wrote this about a dream I had. It was a weird dream, and the poem might get you a little confused, so there's a proper warning

The Long Road
By: Matt Hartman

I have seen the long road
In visions and dreams before
It gives me a silent glimpse
Of what the future has in store

And there I was at my old beginnings
Where every road begins
The snow began to fall lightly
Without cause or sin

And further and further I went
Descending into the night
And closer and closer I got
To the white, celestial light

As I progressed much further
There was little I could see
The reason that I began on this road
Was becoming clear to me

And suddenly it occurred to me,
To my conscious half awake,
I began to realize the undeniable truth
Yet there must be a mistake

I cried out to whomever above
And a message he did send,
This long road which each of us walks
Has a beginning, yet no end

it's like an axe

I'll explain later

monday- As usual, classes weren't that interesting at all. In english, we listened to some more speeches. Some of them were good, some were allright. We didn't have stats and in psych we reviewed for the final. In comm, we watched our final commentary of the year and I'm convinced that I have to have LOTR Extended Version for Christmas. I thought that it was the stupidest thing ever before this class, and yet afterwards I really like all the things that they have to say are pretty interesting. The crew went to luchiano's(sp?) and afterwards we all studied in the bottom of the library. In Edthp, we took a test which I got a 88% on. It was kind of disappointing because the test was so easy, but any answers that were close to each other, I of course picked the wrong one. Also, we got back our resumes and I got a 90 on mine. It's not that I really mind getting a 90, just I wanted to know what I did wrong and she didn't mark anything wrong on it? Anyways, I came home and watched some MNF and relaxed for awhile.
tuesday- I woke up early(730) and found out that my brother was sick. That wasn't cool at all, but I tended to him until my dad got home from work at 1230. Then, I went up to bob moore's shop near green ghettos and got snow tires on my front two tires. I walked around the shopping center that I hadn't been to in probably 5 years and it looked like a ghost shopping center. What ever happened to the old donut shop or the play it again game store? Now, there's a foodland, a dollar store, fantastic sams, value city, a chinese place, a beer place, and some insurance companies. It just seems like the center is completely dead and needs some life in it. Ironically enough, Eckerd, which sits on top of a hill overlooking the old shopping center, is the most modern store there. Coincedence that the best looking store is on top of the hill? Of course not, that's how it always is. Later, I went down to bowling and mingled with all the usual people. I was given the responsibility of getting the team to the match, and that was a little disconcerning. Work was just work, nothing really that good or bad. After that, I talked to anna and studied some stats.
today- I woke up again early because anna sends me these really awesome messages whenever she is in class in high school in the morning. It's great to wake up to these things, seriously. Thankfully, my mom was able to take drew to the doctor's and I was able to go to the match. Beforehand, I went to english to listen to more speeches and then dropped off my poster. The bus ride out to Swissvale was entertaining to say the least. I had my bus monitor pin, but it seemed like nobody was giving mea the respect I deserved. Haha. It was cool though, always great to talk to all the people that you once competed with. Inside the arcade, the mood was one that resembled anticipation on both sides. Woodland Hills purposely got into our section so that they could bowl us. The first game was pretty tight for the boys, but we pulled ahead in the 7th and 8th by going clean in both while they opened a few times. I think we shot 1023 or something. The girls lost the first match by 80 pins or something like that. The second game we brought out the whooping stick and beat them by 200 in the boys and 50 in the girls. The last game was more tight, yet the boys won by 100 and the girls prevailed by over 100 pins. Great job and a congrats to all members of varsity boys and girls on winning a very difficult match over a very good woodland hills team. The ride home was interesting. I felt nostalgia and depression at the same time, half because I couldn't be out there with them and I should be(by age, I should still be in high school) and half because of an old problem that I quickly dismissed. These two weighed down upon me like an iron axe that I couldn't move from my chest. It was as if someone had pinned it there and would slowly remove it as I gasped for air. Imagine living six months of your life like that. That's how it was for me back then. I hope most of these words you all can relate to, yet you cannot know the situation that I'm talking about, because it's a personnal matter to say the least. Let's just say that the demons that once brought me down are long gone from my system, and I dismissed them once again. Did you ever get the feeling that you're alone in a boat, exhausted from rowing, and you see a hand reaching out towards you, but it isn't really there? You reach for it time and time again, until after awhile you realize that you're wasting your time and energy and that you're better off rowing alone than to reach out for something that only appears there. That's the best way I can describe it without telling you all the details. Some things are better left unsaid. This is surely one of them. Anyways, tonight, I got hooked up with 50 free dollars on party poker thanks to the folks at yourpokercash.com. Go check them out if you want 50 free dollars to mess around with. It's the best free money that I've ever seen. I played for awhile at a limit table and then played in an sng with bradburn that I made a kind of bad play in, but it resulted from me getting outdrawn with AQ v A10. I then entered a 20 dollar tournament, and lost to 2 two outers hit on the river(both sets) and a guy who hit a 5 outer(hit his second pair) on the river. It was really discouraging, even though I finished 288/1600 or so. If I would have won just one of those pots, I would have cashed for sure. If I win them all I'm not typing this right now because I'm probably still deep into the tournament. Afterwards, I hit up the BadBeat Jackpot 2/4 tables which was over 190k. I was playing really loose before the flop and really solid after the flop, and I had my bankroll to almost 150 when I started to spiral downward. Some idiot hit a 2 high flush on the river for a 80 dollar pot and another guy river his set of sevens for a 60 dollar pot. It's really frustrating when you play well and lose to so many river cards. I saved the best for last though. I was dealt 88 and it was up to 8 when it got to me, and I called. Flop came down A 9 8 all diamonds. I bet, raise, raise, raise, I call, everyone else calls. Turn is a blank. I cap the pot which means I now have 32 dollars invested in this pot. The river is, of course, a diamond, that makes flushes for THREE of them. That means that card was about 12% to hit on the river, and I lost the rest of my bankroll there. I'm really happy with the way I'm playing, yet the cards spit in my face. I haven't committed any sin. I didn't sell my WSOP bracelet for 8k(Am Tran) or sell coke to pay for tournaments(Mike Matusow). All I do is play cards the best and most honest way I can. I'll continue to do that, and the tides will eventually change; that I am sure of. The water that was once ice cold will be warmed by the sun and bubble at your feet one day. Just be patient and let the sun do its job.

By the way, I'm very tired when writing this post, so some of this stuff might be a little crazy, but it's basically the best way to represent how I'm feeling. Anyways, I'm going to end it with another one of my original poems. I hope you enjoy it.

Take Me Away
By: Matt Hartman

Take Me Away

Stop the music you fool
It’s time to write
It’s time to escape
From the constrains of my life

The busy shopping center
Through which I traversed earlier
Is nothing but a tranquil memory
As my pen flows freely through paper

Take me away, take me away
From all that restrains me
All that chains down my maverick sense
Must be cast away in my words

My impure, putrid heart is cleansed
With every word from my pen
And I escape like a young child
Free to roam this world again

mh

wake me up when this semester ends

Seriously, I'm getting really sick of doing school work. Actually, I think that I've found I don't mind the work as much as I do having to start the work. Once I'm started, I can go for hours. For example, I actually derived pleasure tonight out of doing my stats homework. Once I got rolling, I was a machine and finished that baby in less than an hour.

friday- Classes were fairly uninteresting, except for the fact that I got a 34 on my psychology test, which actually isn't that bad at all. Everyone agrees that amlund gives very difficult tests, but I also realized that I need to do ALL of the reading next semester and that studying for 3 hours the night before doesn't do much for you. After that, I saw tom mcginnis in the pool room and he complemented me on my speech. I actually think that I may have talked a little fast at some parts, but I do really like to do speeches on things that interest me, such as standardized testing. When he was done, I assumed the pool throne for the next hour as I played christina as usual and I kept Pink Floyd's "Money" in the top spot. After school, I came home and chilled for awhile, read a little, and then a flood of people came down to our house. It was a mix of drew's friends and my friends, and we all played a little DDR and then we branched off and everyone got caught up. It really has been a long time that all the people I know have been together and I'm working on something for Christmas, but don't quote me on that. The night concluded with nayhouse showing off his DDR moves(or lackthereof) and bradburn and I watching chapelle show.
saturday- Work was highly uninteresting as usual, although berman did keep my busy doing stuff all day, which is fine by me. After work, I picked up bradburn and nayhouse and we traversed through the wilds of west mifflin, mckeesport, and white oak to get to mark's house. From there, us three, mark, and matt harold rode the parkway out to the civic-I mean mellon arena to try to get 20 dollar tickets for student rush. No worries, we were successful, and there was no line as an added bonus. Our seats weren't bad at all, we could see the whole ice surface. The people around us were beyond funny. There were kids there from cleveland that we wouldn't stop harassing, some drunk guy, some guy that told us to watch our mouths because there were "cub scouts up there", and some people in front of us chanting "Open the roof, open the roof". Funny but definitely random. Something that was not random was the fact that the penguins lost again, 3-2. It's been a really disappointing year so far. I guess we always have the pirates to look forward to. Haha. Anyways, I took them home and bradburn and I went over to nayhouses' for some good old fashioned pool. If the freezing rain wasn't coming down like crazy, we could have stayed longer. Oh well.
today- Work was, once again, uninteresting, although I did get to talk to mindy for the first time in awhile. Work is always more entertaining when you have someone to talk to. I mean, angie is cool but she loves text messages. Ivana is, well ivana. Larry m. is cool but he has some weird stories. Larry l. has some great drinking stories, but he's reluctant to tell them. The bosses are impatient sometimes, cool sometimes. After work, I walked over to giant eagle and had 2 posterboards and a heath bar total exactly 1 dollar. Haha, I love heath bars, I can't find them anywhere anymore. I mean, they have the SKOR bar at eckerd, but it just doesn't have the same richness that the heath bar provides. Next, I came home and watched the Denver/KC game, which was quite entertaining. Ate general tso's for dinner, played a little poker, talked to anna, and then did my stats homework. In between there I continued writing my play(I might post an act or two over the break) and started my poetry collection(my second one this year, first time that I did it outside of school) and almost finished reading Aron Ralston's Between a Rock and a Hard Place. Aron Ralston is the dude that cut off his own arm with a really dull knife after manually breaking the two bones in his arm to move them out of the way so that he could finish cutting through the flesh. That's a man right there. The book is really good though, because it basically discusses how he left corporate America(his job at Intel) to go out into nature and climb mountains. Anyone who has the balls to do that(that would be my dream if I never got married, I'd walk around or kayak instead of climb mountains though) is on my hero list. If all three of you faithful readers can wait about two weeks, you'll get a lot of my own original poetry and maybe an act or two of my play. By the by, is anyone else pissed that Penn State is playing against a team that has no right at all being in the BCS? Well I sure am. Whatever though, the system is messed up beyond belief. Until next time,

mh

cheers

the title will come later as always

tuesday- i really didn't do anything in the morning because I was still feeling a little sick. I think I watched some poker and practiced my speech in the afternoon. At 3:30 I took my brother and myself down to bowling and I talked to all the usuals down there. Also, I saw dave stern, the guy who I credit with really getting me into bowling when I had nothing to do when I wasn't playing baseball. It was such a good time talking to him and steph, because they both have a great sense of humor. After that, I went to work and we put away a whole bunch of stuff. I'm really trying to limit the swearing in my blog because it isn't good for you. I came home and did something that probably isn't of interest to you. Oh wait, I played PLAY CHIP POKER for the first time in a long time. I'm actually really excited about playing poker again. For about the last year, I've played poker exclusively for money, and in the last four months I've been running horrible. Seriously, in the two years that I've played, I haven't ran this bad for an extended period than this time. Every time I fold, I flop a full house or a flush or two pair or something. Every time I hold I see AQ2 rainbow with 89suited. I guess it happens.
wednesday- Classes sucked as usual. I left marchesani's class early because we were watching a LOTR documentary and it was the first day of bowling matches, so you know how it goes. Anyways, I got down to the bowling match, and the lineup was this"
1. Brian Ricobelli
2. PJ/Ben Bradley/Sean Noonan
3. Drew Kreigline
4. Jesse Sopko
5. Alan Davis
It was a powerhouse lineup and they shot 3054 without the WPIAL MVP, Pat Woehler, out with a suspension. This team is better than it was last year. I was actually suprised to see how good TJ was for its first year in the league. Every game we beat them by at least 200 pins though, and it was good to see us get off to a good start. Next week is arguably one of the toughest matches we'll have, we bowl AT woodland hills, but we will have pat woehler back and it will surely be a good match. Afterwards, jesse, myself, bradburn, rico, drew, and lauren went to eat n park and it felt like old times again. I am reminded every time that I'm back in a place where memories happened of the show Cheers, which happens to be one of my favorites of all time. Everytime that norm, cliff, frasier, and sam would talk at the bar reminds me of hanging out with my old friends. After this year, I'm not sure that tradition will survive. Who knows, maybe I'll end up like wooderson or something like that. Haha. Next week is certainly going to be U's chinese food and we're trying to get a lot of people to go. Hopefully that will work out. Later, nick and I went to skyview. Basically, same old story. I couldn't get anything going and lost 100 without winning a pot. Nick ended up going up for the night and he won the 50/5o. I think I'm done playing at skyview until after Christmas because I need to recoup my bankroll and I'm sick of the cards spitting in my face. Enough rambling though. For the first time ever, I'll leave you with some song lyrics.

Where Everyone Knows Your Name(Cheers Theme Song)
By: Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows Your name.
You wanna go where people know, people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.