life is a constant struggle....against ourselves

yeah, the title basically sums up how I'm feeling right now. I'm pretty pissed off, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I'll get into it later.

monday- I woke up at around 1030 and took a shower, brushed teeth, and did everything else to get ready. I went to supercuts in caste to get my hair cut and I actually don't mind the job she did. Last time I went down there, they really messed it up. After that, I had to finish christmas shopping so I went out to Century 3. It was probably the stupidest thing I could have done because it was so crowded there. I bought The Who greatest hits for myself and a Dark Side of the Moon poster that I've yet to put up. At Tela Ropa, where I bought the poster, there was a girl with a Niles, OH shirt on. Niles, OH always reminds me of nayhouse and the Mahoning Valley Scrappers and how we hit on every girl in that stadium in the summer. Haha. I talked to her for a couple minutes and she said that she only visited Niles and didn't actually live there. After that, I went up to the food court and got this 5 dollar chesseburger combo that wasn't too bad. Nayhouse called and actually was going to ask me if I wanted to go to the mall because he needed to pick up gifts for his family. He met me at the food court and after finishing eating, we went downstairs to see Shawn "Old Man" Masten. I call him old man because he works 40 hours a week at his shop in the mall and doesn't go to college. Hopefully his mom is giving him hell for that, because he's definitely smart enough in networking or computer science to go. Whatever though, whatever keeps you happy. I came home and drew and I played ocarina of time for a little bit. It's pretty sad because the game is so easy now. However, I'm about to go into water temple and that's still probably going to be hard for me even now. I love the challenge though. I probably talked to anna at night and crashed at around 1.
tuesday- As always, an uneventful day until bowling at 330. I took drew with me because apparently he practices with the team now. I talked with my old friends for awhile and then with my parents and dan duscheid, who's going to be a really good bowler someday, even though he's only a freshman. I told him he should probably be going to practice 4 days a week, no more. If you do anymore(like I did), severe burnout occurs and you want to shoot yourself when you see anything associated with bowling. At work, I cleaned out the attic, which hadn't been cleaned out in over 15 years. I'm such a lucky guy. It's so nice to be able to inhale those dust particles trapped under boxes for the last decade and a half. I came home, talked to anna, and chilled.
today- I woke up a little late, maybe around 1030 or something like that. I went down to work around 1 and picked up my check from last week and went to the bank to cash it. Next, I went up to the high school and was actually on time for the bowling match. Believe me, those douches actually almost left without me last time. Can you believe they would leave without bus montior/coach matt, because I can't. Haha. The back of the bus just isn't what it used to be. No mike roth screaming "kill yourself" or steve sobkiewicz telling everyone how great he is. They even took n00b's seat on the bus and made him sit up front. There's not a lot really to say about the match. We shot around 2850(about a 190 average) and swept them in both the boys and girls. Props to both the boys and girls, who are both 4-0 and have a tough match next week against our rival, west mifflin. The bus ride home was a subtle taste of the past. Things and people were being thrown around the back. Bethanne and I pretended we were best friends again. We fit three people in a seat. Random people grabbed random places on others' bodies(don't ask). Haha. That was that though. Something happened when I got home that reminded me of just how good my life is. I can't say what it was, because it's better phrased that something that could have happened didn't happen. It reminded me that I'm just a speck in time and I better enjoy that speck for all it's worth. I sojourned over to nayhouse's and picked him up and rode his bitch ass out to best buy. Just playing dude. Actually, he went out there to finish his shopping and then he picked up his pizza at IVP. He comped me with pizza and a drink, although I didn't accept the pizza because he's jewish. No, actually I had just eaten spaghetti so I wasn't hungry at all. We played pool, and I kicked his ass in 9 ball(1-0) and 8 ball(3-2). We chilled upstairs and watched this dude on comedy central tear apart all these different ethnic backgrounds. His favorite target was white people. I thought it was pretty funny though. After I left there, I went straight to skyview. I told myself I wasn't going to play until after christmas, but I wanted to give myself an early present. I got seated at a 3/6 table with nick and....justin klobuchir, better known as kloby. Yeah, you've probably heard the name, he's a legend everywhere. Although his legend status is not the case, he's one of the best people to hang out with on or off the poker table. He could be up or down hundreds of dollars and still making jokes. He's on my Top 10 people Alive or Dead list. I was up to about 180 at one point, but basically I was just treading water until about 1230 when kloby and nick left. Every time I would make a run to put myself up big, I would lose a pot on the river. These weren't like 1:1 or 2:1 hands, these were crushing 10% suckouts. If I counted right, 7 of them total ended up costing me probably 500 dollars. I take that back. I'll give you one hand that was a suckout and another that wasn't a suckout. I'm dealt 67c UTG and I raise to 6 because I'm crazy like that. 2 callers. Flops comes down As 3c 5c. I check, one guy bets, another raises, I call, other guy calls. Turn is the 4d giving me the nuts. I check, other guy bets, third guy calls, I raise, both call. River is the 6s, still giving me a 7 high straight. I bet 6, other guy calls, third guy raises to 12, I raise to 18, other guy folds, third guy calls. The third guy shows 78 for a nut straight. That was one of the most horrible beats I've ever taken. It was a 5% card because the other guy said he mucked a 26. Wow. Now I'll give you an example of a not so bad suckout. I'm dealt 89c and an old dude raises, everyone in front of me folds, I call double the BB. Flop comes down 10 J Q rainbow giving me the straight. He bets, I raise, he raises, I reraise. Turn comes 2 rainbow. I bet, he calls. River is, of course, an A. He bets, and I call relunctantly. He has pocket kings. He hit a 7 outer max(15% or so), but he had me dominated preflop. That still makes me mad, it was that kind of night. The last hand I busted on some lady hit an A on the river to make it 8 beats on the night. If we want to say that each pot was probably worth 70 dollars, that cost me 560 dollars. I would have taken 7/8 pots because that was what the odds say it should have been. I should have gotten sucked out on once, NOT EIGHT TIMES. Arg. Walking out to the car just made me think how bad this world sucks. All anyone cares about is money or power. As I was walking down that desolate street, I imagined a world without fear. I imagined the world that we lived in where you could walk down the street without being afraid of getting popped or leaving your car unlocked and not having to worry about it getting stolen. I think Micheal Shaara said it best once by stating: "Man may be the angel of this earth, but by god, man is a killer angel." Sound oxymoronic to you? It sure does to me. I just wondered how free the first man on earth felt knowing that nobody was watching him, there was no GPS tracking him, there weren't cameras inside his hut because some asshole leader said there could be. Nope, it was just him and his buddies roaming the land. It's really bad what we've done in the last 500 years with this earth. There's still time though. We must act quickly, but there's still time. We need to return to a much simpler world that doesn't put so much strain on the natural resources of this world. Imagine. Just imagine. A world where money didn't exist. The leader of the tribe was based on who the best man was, not who knew the most people. Where you could walk down your dirt road and not fear someone gutting you.

Sorry if this post is sounding like a John Lennon How To instructional video, but I'm tired and sometimes I feel that we've messed up as a human race, that's all.

No poetry for tonight, my writing has got sidetracked for a little while.