it's like an axe

I'll explain later

monday- As usual, classes weren't that interesting at all. In english, we listened to some more speeches. Some of them were good, some were allright. We didn't have stats and in psych we reviewed for the final. In comm, we watched our final commentary of the year and I'm convinced that I have to have LOTR Extended Version for Christmas. I thought that it was the stupidest thing ever before this class, and yet afterwards I really like all the things that they have to say are pretty interesting. The crew went to luchiano's(sp?) and afterwards we all studied in the bottom of the library. In Edthp, we took a test which I got a 88% on. It was kind of disappointing because the test was so easy, but any answers that were close to each other, I of course picked the wrong one. Also, we got back our resumes and I got a 90 on mine. It's not that I really mind getting a 90, just I wanted to know what I did wrong and she didn't mark anything wrong on it? Anyways, I came home and watched some MNF and relaxed for awhile.
tuesday- I woke up early(730) and found out that my brother was sick. That wasn't cool at all, but I tended to him until my dad got home from work at 1230. Then, I went up to bob moore's shop near green ghettos and got snow tires on my front two tires. I walked around the shopping center that I hadn't been to in probably 5 years and it looked like a ghost shopping center. What ever happened to the old donut shop or the play it again game store? Now, there's a foodland, a dollar store, fantastic sams, value city, a chinese place, a beer place, and some insurance companies. It just seems like the center is completely dead and needs some life in it. Ironically enough, Eckerd, which sits on top of a hill overlooking the old shopping center, is the most modern store there. Coincedence that the best looking store is on top of the hill? Of course not, that's how it always is. Later, I went down to bowling and mingled with all the usual people. I was given the responsibility of getting the team to the match, and that was a little disconcerning. Work was just work, nothing really that good or bad. After that, I talked to anna and studied some stats.
today- I woke up again early because anna sends me these really awesome messages whenever she is in class in high school in the morning. It's great to wake up to these things, seriously. Thankfully, my mom was able to take drew to the doctor's and I was able to go to the match. Beforehand, I went to english to listen to more speeches and then dropped off my poster. The bus ride out to Swissvale was entertaining to say the least. I had my bus monitor pin, but it seemed like nobody was giving mea the respect I deserved. Haha. It was cool though, always great to talk to all the people that you once competed with. Inside the arcade, the mood was one that resembled anticipation on both sides. Woodland Hills purposely got into our section so that they could bowl us. The first game was pretty tight for the boys, but we pulled ahead in the 7th and 8th by going clean in both while they opened a few times. I think we shot 1023 or something. The girls lost the first match by 80 pins or something like that. The second game we brought out the whooping stick and beat them by 200 in the boys and 50 in the girls. The last game was more tight, yet the boys won by 100 and the girls prevailed by over 100 pins. Great job and a congrats to all members of varsity boys and girls on winning a very difficult match over a very good woodland hills team. The ride home was interesting. I felt nostalgia and depression at the same time, half because I couldn't be out there with them and I should be(by age, I should still be in high school) and half because of an old problem that I quickly dismissed. These two weighed down upon me like an iron axe that I couldn't move from my chest. It was as if someone had pinned it there and would slowly remove it as I gasped for air. Imagine living six months of your life like that. That's how it was for me back then. I hope most of these words you all can relate to, yet you cannot know the situation that I'm talking about, because it's a personnal matter to say the least. Let's just say that the demons that once brought me down are long gone from my system, and I dismissed them once again. Did you ever get the feeling that you're alone in a boat, exhausted from rowing, and you see a hand reaching out towards you, but it isn't really there? You reach for it time and time again, until after awhile you realize that you're wasting your time and energy and that you're better off rowing alone than to reach out for something that only appears there. That's the best way I can describe it without telling you all the details. Some things are better left unsaid. This is surely one of them. Anyways, tonight, I got hooked up with 50 free dollars on party poker thanks to the folks at yourpokercash.com. Go check them out if you want 50 free dollars to mess around with. It's the best free money that I've ever seen. I played for awhile at a limit table and then played in an sng with bradburn that I made a kind of bad play in, but it resulted from me getting outdrawn with AQ v A10. I then entered a 20 dollar tournament, and lost to 2 two outers hit on the river(both sets) and a guy who hit a 5 outer(hit his second pair) on the river. It was really discouraging, even though I finished 288/1600 or so. If I would have won just one of those pots, I would have cashed for sure. If I win them all I'm not typing this right now because I'm probably still deep into the tournament. Afterwards, I hit up the BadBeat Jackpot 2/4 tables which was over 190k. I was playing really loose before the flop and really solid after the flop, and I had my bankroll to almost 150 when I started to spiral downward. Some idiot hit a 2 high flush on the river for a 80 dollar pot and another guy river his set of sevens for a 60 dollar pot. It's really frustrating when you play well and lose to so many river cards. I saved the best for last though. I was dealt 88 and it was up to 8 when it got to me, and I called. Flop came down A 9 8 all diamonds. I bet, raise, raise, raise, I call, everyone else calls. Turn is a blank. I cap the pot which means I now have 32 dollars invested in this pot. The river is, of course, a diamond, that makes flushes for THREE of them. That means that card was about 12% to hit on the river, and I lost the rest of my bankroll there. I'm really happy with the way I'm playing, yet the cards spit in my face. I haven't committed any sin. I didn't sell my WSOP bracelet for 8k(Am Tran) or sell coke to pay for tournaments(Mike Matusow). All I do is play cards the best and most honest way I can. I'll continue to do that, and the tides will eventually change; that I am sure of. The water that was once ice cold will be warmed by the sun and bubble at your feet one day. Just be patient and let the sun do its job.

By the way, I'm very tired when writing this post, so some of this stuff might be a little crazy, but it's basically the best way to represent how I'm feeling. Anyways, I'm going to end it with another one of my original poems. I hope you enjoy it.

Take Me Away
By: Matt Hartman

Take Me Away

Stop the music you fool
It’s time to write
It’s time to escape
From the constrains of my life

The busy shopping center
Through which I traversed earlier
Is nothing but a tranquil memory
As my pen flows freely through paper

Take me away, take me away
From all that restrains me
All that chains down my maverick sense
Must be cast away in my words

My impure, putrid heart is cleansed
With every word from my pen
And I escape like a young child
Free to roam this world again

mh